PUP Senator Glenn Lazarus To Christopher Pyne: Plz Stop Txting Me All Da Tym, U R So Desperate LOL

"Christopher Pyne is embarrassing himself...I have never given Christopher Pyne my mobile phone number."

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Sometimes people degrade our national leaders by saying they get bogged down too easily in “schoolyard politics”. It’s a figurative thing. Obviously, we know that Clive Palmer isn’t swiping people’s toys from the sandbox and Kevin Rudd never really pulled on Julia Gillard’s pigtails. We know things aren’t that bad.

Now, if everyone could take a moment from their day to cordially wave goodbye to the last shred of dignity our government had: Palmer United Party Senator Glenn Lazarus has just issued a “press release” over Facebook asking our Education Minister Christopher Pyne to pls stahp txting him.

“Christopher Pyne is embarrassing himself and needs to stop harassing me and other cross benchers,” said Sen Lazarus. “I am being inundated with text messages from Christopher Pyne virtually begging me to support the Abbott Government’s higher education reforms … I have never given Christopher Pyne my mobile phone number.”

“Christopher Pyne’s office and other Abbott Government ministers are continuing to contact my office and other cross benchers offering all sorts of deals and incentives to get our support for the higher education reforms. I won’t be bought and I am not prepared to horse trade,” he continues. “It is clear that the Abbott Government is so desperate they will stoop to any level to win support for the higher education reforms.”

It’s no secret that the PUP aren’t behind the Government’s proposed changes to higher education, and Pyne has said earlier this week that he was trying to convert individual Senators from their party line. On Tuesday morning he reportedly told 5AA radio that “each crossbencher needs to be spoken to quite independently … so I’m very patiently, and I hope in good humour, working through all the things that they have issues with.” For some reason, he never gave further details of how he was contacting them.

“I will only listen to the people of Australia and my home state of Queensland,” Sen Lazarus said. “The majority of Australians do not want increased education costs. The higher education reforms are nothing more than a sinister Abbott Government budget cutting measure.”

“The Abbott Government’s higher education reforms are bad to the core and will only significantly reduce funding to universities which in turn will significantly increase the cost of higher education in Australia. If Christopher Pyne is still the Minister for Education next year, which I strongly doubt, I suggest he takes the bill away, consults with all stakeholders and develops a new plan to support the higher education sector without hurting students.”

“Palmer United will be voting down the higher education reforms.”

Though not recorded on the official record, he then finished with this epic one-liner, but many media commentators have decided it was, in fact, way harsh.