Everybody Has Noticed That Pokémon’s New Ice-Cream Creature ‘Alcremie’ Looks Like Cum
Don't shoot the messenger.
With Pokémon Sword & Shield‘s November release date drawing closer, Nintendo is continuing to tease more and more details, continually revealing new characters and Pokémon — and today, we’ve met ‘Alrcremie’, a “cream Pokémon” who, uh, resembles something else.
Alcremie is a fairy type Pokémon, and according to the official Pokémon Twitter, makes “whipped cream which becomes richer the happier Alcremie is feeling”, meaning a lot of “pastry chefs” love having it around. And while many fans are freaking out about how cute it is and creating twee fan art that accentuates its cotton-candy colours, others are arguing that Alcremie is clearly made of cum.
The first cum Pokémon I’m crying. https://t.co/BiOlrW65CU
— Bowen Yang 杨伯文 (@bowenyang) July 8, 2019
You're not even trying to be subtle about this.
— jon rosenberg🌮🌯 (@jonrosenberg) July 8, 2019
You might think this is a classic case of rule 34 — the internet’s ability to turn anything pure into porn — but it is simply undeniable: Alcremie is cum. If you need more proof, it’s been confirmed that its gigantamax form — a feature new to Sword & Shield — is a giant cake made of ‘cream’ which “hardens upon impact” — “the stronger the impact, the harder it becomes”.
“Alcremie will launch high-calorie cream missiles around itself to attack its opponents,” Pokémon’s release says. “Any Pokémon that touches this cream will be filled with energy and euphoria but at the same time will fall into a state of complete confusion.”
Naturally, everyone is pointing out how suspect this all is.
The slime-porn part of deviant art is definitely having a field day
— Kikino (@Kikino77) July 8, 2019
ALCREMIE IS LITERALLY THE CUM POKEMON pic.twitter.com/pZRFm65wy0
— ender (@ender_legends) July 8, 2019
Elsewhere, Twitter users are reminding us that Alcremie isn’t the first sexually-suspect Pokémon. Back in the original 151, we had ‘Muc‘, a toxic sludge Pokémon whose name, backwards, is ‘cum’.
me if i were a pokemon fat and filled with cum pic.twitter.com/zIZn8EldzG
— Jennie (@dreamofchu) July 8, 2019
when you waitin for him to come back with the towel pic.twitter.com/ZlobtM6ntK
— Adam Moussa (@adamjmoussa) July 8, 2019
Alcremie was far from the only reveal today: we met steel/Dragon type Duraludon and several new characters, including the fighting Gym leader Bea and eerie Ghost gym leader, Allister.
Between all this, the ‘hot’ gym leaders, Corgi Pokémon Yamper and the sheep Pokémon Wooloo, we cannot wait for November 15, though some fans continue to boycott the game until the National Pokédex is brought back — currently, not every Pokémon will be available in Sword & Shield, a first for the series.