Culture

There’s A Website That Randomly Generates Your Own Extremely Cursed And Hilarious Pokemon

Glootle? Lickitrio? You are not ready for Cuk.

by Joseph Earp  25 June 2019
Pokemon Pokefusion

Want more Junkee in your life? Sign up to our newsletter, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook so you always know where to find us.

Right off the bat, let’s make something clear: Pokemon are in fact, quite cursed.

Sure, we’ve all been inured to them over the years — a decade of constant pocket monster saturation will do that to you. But let’s just imagine if, Yesterday-style, we all awoke tomorrow in a world without the little furry wotsits. In that world, the first person to invent them wouldn’t become a global superstar or heir to a mass entertainment empire — they would be beaten to death with stones for witchcraft.

Some Pokemon are more cursed than others, of course — Wooloo, the sheep creature, is thoroughly uncursed, and I will never hear you say a bad word against her, whereas Cubone, a little rat thing that wears the skull of its dead mother, is exceedingly cursed. But on the sliding scale of what Freud called “unheimlich“, perhaps no pocket-sized creatures are as deeply unnerving as the ones created by Pokefusion, a random Pokemon generator.

The idea behind Pokefusion is simple: slap a button, and the program will mash two pocket creatures together into a hideous progeny. It’s actually been around for a number of years at this point, but over the weekend, a new viral trend brought it crashing back into horrendous life. Users were encouraged to head over to the site to find which procedurally-generated horror, clinging unsteadily to life, was to be their government assigned starter.

Needless to say, some users got a better deal than others, and a few of the mash-ups ended up being pretty cute, as far as abominations to God’s eyes go.

 

But for every Bulbra or Raitly out there, Pokefusion had a Glootle or a Licktrio or, even, perhaps worst of all, a Cuk.

Horrifying. Check out Pokefusion here.