There’s A Website That Randomly Generates Your Own Extremely Cursed And Hilarious Pokemon
Glootle? Lickitrio? You are not ready for Cuk.
Right off the bat, let’s make something clear: Pokemon are in fact, quite cursed.
Sure, we’ve all been inured to them over the years — a decade of constant pocket monster saturation will do that to you. But let’s just imagine if, Yesterday-style, we all awoke tomorrow in a world without the little furry wotsits. In that world, the first person to invent them wouldn’t become a global superstar or heir to a mass entertainment empire — they would be beaten to death with stones for witchcraft.
Some Pokemon are more cursed than others, of course — Wooloo, the sheep creature, is thoroughly uncursed, and I will never hear you say a bad word against her, whereas Cubone, a little rat thing that wears the skull of its dead mother, is exceedingly cursed. But on the sliding scale of what Freud called “unheimlich“, perhaps no pocket-sized creatures are as deeply unnerving as the ones created by Pokefusion, a random Pokemon generator.
The idea behind Pokefusion is simple: slap a button, and the program will mash two pocket creatures together into a hideous progeny. It’s actually been around for a number of years at this point, but over the weekend, a new viral trend brought it crashing back into horrendous life. Users were encouraged to head over to the site to find which procedurally-generated horror, clinging unsteadily to life, was to be their government assigned starter.
Oh hell yeah pic.twitter.com/Z0AtWErMZF
— Paul Tassi (@PaulTassi) June 23, 2019
The boys are all here! #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/Nqmu91CO2G
— FluffyEgg🍳 (@FluffyEgg3) June 23, 2019
the Concern Troll Pokemon #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/A5axb62oM1
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 24, 2019
sorry guys #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/1v0J3rleAr
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 24, 2019
Needless to say, some users got a better deal than others, and a few of the mash-ups ended up being pretty cute, as far as abominations to God’s eyes go.
Lil flying egg yolk #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/bg2AjcvcMl
— Anne (@chxrnite) June 24, 2019
This is what Raichu looked like during his high school emo phase. #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/6mkbdnjNiZ
— Aubrey Norris 🥴 (@Chupacaubrey) June 24, 2019
UGH THE CUTEST
I will protect Bulbra with my life #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/USakUf0qZ9
— Kaz Marston (@kazmarston) June 24, 2019
But for every Bulbra or Raitly out there, Pokefusion had a Glootle or a Licktrio or, even, perhaps worst of all, a Cuk.
👀 #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/bnqdup1Icn
— Jeff Skal (@jeffybug) June 24, 2019
The government issued me this as punishment for my constant shoplifting pic.twitter.com/UXq06KNty4
— brans💋n reese (@bransonreese) June 24, 2019
Oh nooooooooooo #Pokemon #PokeFusion pic.twitter.com/0RVxT6AenR
— 🎃Jacqueline Skellington🎃 (@heartlesspumkin) June 23, 2019
CUK. LMFAO pic.twitter.com/Oq882HxIo2
— Angelo_ (@iOkamiterasu) June 24, 2019
Horrifying. Check out Pokefusion here.