Platonic Sex Suck: “Everyone Deals Some Toots Sometimes”
Listening to Platonic Sex is like spending a session with a therapist that insists on making you dance out your issues (which sounds like a nightmare, if I’m honest).
The Meanjin trio (made up of vocalist/guitarist Bridget ‘Brando’ Brandolini, vocalist/percussionist Ryan Hammermeister and vocalist/guitarist Jane Milroy) released a trilogy of singles in 2023: ‘Bitch In The Heat’, ‘When I Come Home, I’ll Find A Hill To Die On’ and ‘Melon’. Their music smashes together elements of irresistible fuzzy, guitar-driven rock with Brando’s lyricism, which sees them turns their brain inside out for the world to inspect.
The band have just been announced as one of the winners of triple j Unearthed’s Laneway Festival ’24 competition, which will see them play at the Meanjin leg of the festival alongside acts like d4vd, Angie McMahon and JK-47. We caught up with the band to discuss getting health advice from Dolly Doctor, wasting money on V-Bucks in Fortnite, and why UNIQLO should ban them from shopping there (… or sponsor them).
Junkee: A mistake that turned into an opportunity?
Ryan: We never had an initial plan to release a song called ‘Melon’. One time at rehearsal, Jane started the count-in by yelling “THIS ONE’S MELON. 1 2 3 4 !” and that’s been its name ever since. I don’t know if you’d count that as a “mistake” or pure random fun, but we turned it into an opportunity for sure.
Cringe quote you used to live by?
Ryan: “Smelt it you dealt it.” You know, I genuinely believed it growing up! Until one day, I learnt that maybe… the smell is all around us… we are all the dealer. Everyone deals some toots sometimes.
Jane: “The best part about memories is making them.” Still use this today!
Ryan: Oh, also! That Rocky Balboa quote: “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward.” I don’t know if I want to explain further, but it involved watching inspirational quotes being read out on YouTube to the Inception or Interstellar soundtrack. I guess they got me motivated and I “lived” by them. Kinda cringe…
Worst advice you got and blindly followed?
Jane: “Fake it until you make it.”
Ryan: Anyone who tells me to “send it!”
The worst failure you’re up for sharing, and what you learned from it?
Jane: Failing my first ever music university course! If I didn’t fail it, I never would have met Brando (Bridget) and Ryan.
Ryan: Getting marks back for my first writing assignment at uni, the lecturer said I need to read more because I was incoherent. After that, I started reading books!
Anything you used to be wrong about?
Jane: I used to say “play it by year” instead of “play it by ear”.
Ryan: A lot of things, I feel like I’m always unlearning and re-defining things for myself. To answer the question with one thing though, I was wrong about syrup in iced coffee. It slaps.
Embarrassing internet habit?
Jane: Searching for the answers to Dolly Doctor-style questions in incognito mode.
Ryan: Whenever I look up a recipe to cook, I get so annoyed at the million-word blog about the backstory of the recipe before I even make it to the ingredients list. I usually give up, leave it in my tabs, and then I just try to wing the dish.
Ideal morning routine versus actual morning routine?
Jane: I am so good at routines. Wake up at 5:30am, coffee in bed, episode of Arrested Development, shower, breakfast, brush teeth, out the door to work!
Bridget: The literal only thing I do every day is wake up, and I call that an unqualified success.
Ryan: Ideal morning routine is: a morning walk, toast and tea before coffee, then come back to write my morning pages. Actual Morning routine is: get up, maybe scratch my head with my hair-brush cause it feels nice, TikTok… and THEN try do my morning pages.
Something very off-brand for you?
Bridget: Not sure if it’s off-brand, but maybe it’s unexpected? I digest Disney Princess movies and sing musical theatre songs like there is no tomorrow.
Ryan: I can reply to anyone directly in old Vines.
Jane: I regularly rewatch Hannah Montana, Lizzie McGuire and That’s So Raven. My favourite instagram page is @kidsgettinghurt — it’s gold.
Bad health decision?
Bridget and Jane: We have both been in a sleep deficit since we went to the Paramore concert.
What do you waste money on?
Bridget: The cost of touring four band members around the country would be significantly more affordable if the members of Platonic Sex were banned from shopping at UNIQLO.
Ryan: I wasted money on V-Bucks for Fortnite because I wanted the ‘Dance Monkey’ emote and to look like Anakin Skywalker. I think I spent like $30+ on them. Damn.
Jane: I waste money on clothes. Shops like Maple Store and 199a should be BANNED.
Worst procrastination habit?
Bridget: Feels like every musician in Brisbane procrastinates by starting another band.
Jane: File organisation on my laptop and cleaning to avoid my problems.
Platonic Sex will be playing the Meanjin leg of Laneway Festival ’24 on Saturday, February 3. Learn more here.
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Illustration credit: Matt Lauricella, @pigeonboyart