People Are Really, Really Enjoying The Fact That Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli Has Been Arrested
Try not to overdose on schadenfreude today.
In a win for not-garbage humans everywhere, US pharma bro and avatar of hateful predatory capitalism Martin Shkreli has been well and truly nicked. Shkreli was arrested and charged in New York on Thursday eastern US time, before promptly bumping out of custody on a cool $5 million bail.
Expensively-bought temporary freedom aside, Shkreli’s goose could be well and truly cooked. Not for infamously raising the price of vital drugs that keep kids from dying by more than 5000 percent, or for buying the world’s only copy of the Wu Tang Clan’s $2 million album Once Upon A Time In Shaolin, or for bringing the phrase “pharma bro” into common parlance, or even for being a douchebag of cartoonishly ridiculous proportions. Even Donald Trump thinks this guy’s obnoxious, which is saying something.
“THEY SEE ME ROLLING…” pic.twitter.com/D1mDBEeZMq
— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) September 16, 2015
While all of those things have made Shkreli one of the most widely reviled people on this Earth, what could really see him undone are charges of good old-fashioned fraud. According to Brooklyn US Attorney Robert Capers, Shkreli’s been running his various companies “like a Ponzi scheme, where he used each subsequent company to pay off defrauded investors from the prior company”. Given the US legal system looks pretty dimly on shonky businesspeople scamming shareholders out of millions — and in this case, those are the numbers being thrown around — this whole thing could end with Shkreli going away for quite a while.
That reality has sparked an outbreak of collective schadenfreude unseen since Tony Abbott bit the dust. Enjoying someone else’s suffering is never a super-nice thing to do, but this someone happens to think astronomically jacking up the price of HIV meds is a cool way to make money, so screw him.
Martin Shkreli’s bail was going to be set at $500,000 but they raised it to $27,500,000 just for him. — Kelsey D. Atherton (@AthertonKD) December 17, 2015
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a warrant for Martin Shkreli.
— Revolution (@ohiotimmons3) December 17, 2015
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There’s vomit on his sweater already, martin shkreli pic.twitter.com/10JfxNxngo — Caro (@socarolinesays) December 17, 2015
Take a minute to really enjoy that last tweet. Let it sink in, like sliding into a warm bath. Feels good, don’t it.
Even the FBI got in on the fun. After being flooded with tweets from people demanding to know if they’d seized Shkreli’s Wu-Tang album during his arrest, the world’s most well-known law enforcement agency was “forced” to clarify that they hadn’t. Some FBI social media manager is likely getting a sternly-worded email from their boss, closely followed by offers of free beer from everyone else in the building.
you had one job pic.twitter.com/W11OPD2PBU
— jonathan frandzone (@NotAllBhas) December 17, 2015
#Breaking no seizure warrant at the arrest of Martin Shkreli today, which means we didn’t seize the Wu-Tang Clan album. — FBI New York (@NewYorkFBI) December 17, 2015
Obviously, Shkreli hasn’t been found guilty of anything, and he’s entitled to the presumption of innocence. But that hasn’t stopped plenty of people from wistfully fantasising about the kind of life that awaits him in prison, especially the unique economic situation he’s likely to find himself in.
Wait, Martin Shkreli is in jail? Are the criminals ok?
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 17, 2015
Martin Shkreli: yo, I need protection. That’s 2 cigarettes right? Bubba: now it’s a carton. MS: WHAT! B: Economics, man.
— Morgan’s Adam (@MorgansAdam) December 17, 2015
Hey, let’s not be so hasty to rush to judgment on Martin Shkreli. All we’re basing that on is literally everything he’s ever said and done.
— John Overholt (@john_overholt) December 17, 2015
Try not to overdose on schadenfreude today. Stay safe, kids.