Gaming

‘Overwatch’ Players Want To Bone The Dirty Junkrat Clown, Because We Live In A Fallen World

As predictable as parental disappointment, Overwatch players want to bone the new Junkrat clown skin.

Overwatch - Circus Junkrat skin

Today is the start of Overwatch seasonal event Overwatch Archives, in which temporary new gameplay scenarios are enabled and a bunch of limited-time skins go up for grabs. This year, they include the extremely upsetting Junkrat Circus skin. And, as predictable parental disappointment, people want to bone the clown.

I always get a little excited about Overwatch events. I love checking out the cute new outfits for my team of virtual killers, changing up their looks for the new season. Last year’s Overwatch Archives event gave me the very distinguished Scion skin for my Hanzo, which put him in a dashing vest and tie that said, “I could easily buy you, but it’s less hassle to have you killed.”

A few events have passed since then, and the number of new event skins I’ve found attractive has dwindled. Still, I looked forward to this year’s Archives event with eager anticipation. Perhaps robot samurai Genji would get a suit to match his brother, or climatologist Mei would get a smart blue uniform like many of her teammates.

Then I laid eyes on Junkrat‘s new Circus skin, and the light inside me died.

Junkrat already has two Legendary skins that dress him as a medieval Fool or Jester. They aren’t particularly well-loved. Yet these questionable entertainer skins were apparently not enough for Overwatch developer Blizzard.

Rather, Blizzard looked upon their ratty Australian pyromaniac and thought, “You know what would really improve this bald hyena’s aesthetics? White face paint and a honking magenta nose.”

The majority of online reaction to Junkrat’s new clown skin has been repulsion, and rightfully so. Junkrat may not be your traditional runway model, but that is no excuse to curse anyone with a CMYK colour scheme. Who, blessed with the ability to see colour and a modicum of fashion sense, would inflict this upon innocent eyeballs? Why was this deemed acceptable?

Baffled, I looked for answers. And like a monkey’s paw, the internet responded.

Perhaps it was my fault for opening this Junkrat-in-a-box. Perhaps I am the Legendary Fool, and Circus Junkrat would have quietly passed from my life, a whiff of roasted peanuts and popcorn politely unacknowledged, had I remained silent.

But by bringing Junkrat’s clown skin to the fore, I had unwittingly been reminded of a truth universally acknowledged but typically ignored: If it exists, humans will want to bone it.

Blizzard’s unleashing of this carnival horror upon the world opened a Pandora’s Box, from which escaped a maelstrom of disgust, despair and horror. Yet nestled at the bottom of the box, bright and eternal, shone horniness.

I did not want to write this article. I did not want clown boning to become my beat. Yet it is the nature of life that we often do not get what we want, and Circus Junkrat is a symbol of this truism.

Most Overwatch players had wanted something cool. Something that would invigorate the passion of Junkrat mains and cause his detractors to begrudgingly concede. Something that would say, “Get ready, ’cause this irradiated outback devil is coming for your ass.”

Well, I guess Circus Junkrat does kind of say that to some people. Monkey’s paw.

Overwatch is currently having a free trial, allowing people to play for free until April 24, and the Overwatch Archives event will end on May 7. But Circus Junkrat? Circus Junkrat is forever.