Culture

Nightmarish Clowns are Terrorising France/Everyone, Ending the World as We Know It

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

Here are some words I always hoped I’d never have to write. A disturbing number of people have been dressing as terrifying clowns, wielding weapons such as axes and hammers, and taking to the streets of France to terrorise innocent clown-fearing humans. This nightmarish epidemic has been led by hellish teenagers and ranges from simple pranks to robbery to outright assault. There have been so many attacks that the French town of Vendargues has now banned the costumes outright — a rule which we incidentally think should be in place everywhere.

As it’s still Halloween in France this morning, residents are quite rightly panicking. In the past month, their clown-costumed hell has included a group of 14 teenagers who were arrested for harassing people with guns, knives and baseball bats; a growing number of people hiding in bushes scaring children; and a man in southern France who was arrested for BEATING A PEDESTRIAN WITH A FUCKING IRON BAR.

But it doesn’t stop there. This fresh hell has been spreading right around the world. Evil clowns have been sighted this month in the US, Spain, and the UK. People dressed as Stephen King’s balloon-carrying Pennywise have been spotted in London peeking into people’s homes and following children to school.

It seems that these absolute idiots have a couple of key inspirations. Firstly, there’s the Wasco Clown. This total creeper is famous for lurking in the shadows of Wasco, California. He’s since become internet famous and signalled the decline of all things that are good and holy in this world.

Then there are these Youtube videos by DMPranksProductions that feature ‘Killer Clowns’ pretending to kill people in public. BECAUSE LOL MURDER, RIGHT? Turning up in creepy gas stations and underground carparks, these fun-loving jokesters scare the shit out of pedestrians and film the ensuring hilarity. Most of their videos have now clocked up more than 20 million views.

To combat all this, people in France have formed rogue militant clown-fighting gangs called Les chasseurs de clowns. You really couldn’t make this up. These groups have supposedly taken to the streets with tear-gas, baseball bats, batons and brass knuckles on the hunt for people dressed as clowns. A small group has already been arrested, and the police have warned people to not take matters into their own hands.

“Anyone, regardless of whether they are an aggressive clown or a clown hunter, found with a weapon in public thoroughfares will be arrested,” the Police Nationale said in a statement. That’s right. ‘Clown hunter’ is now a valid term that the French authorities use without question.

While there thankfully haven’t been any reports yet from Australia, we’re fairly convinced this is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with an army of obnoxious squeaking noses.

 h/t The Atlantic.