A Ranking Of All The Most Iconic Neopets Games

If you were a kid in the 2000s who had access to a computer, you definitely have some strong thoughts about Neopets.

The first difficult decision a child had to make when entering the wonderful world of Neopia was deciding on which pet to customise. Once you created the cutest Neopet imaginable (it was always a pastel blue Poogle or a pink Bruce, by the way), you’d then spend your days learning about capitalism by slaving away in Neopia to earn some sweet, sweet Neopoints.

Before times where real money could be exchanged for points, Neopoints were earned through the games scattered throughout the worlds of Neopia. And while Neopets currency didn’t really have any real-world value, it did allow you to deck out your pets in the finest rare threads to flex on other players. Naturally, this led to actual in-game crime rings through what was essentially Depop re-selling as people flogged their rare items at exorbitant prices.

But when you were playing these games for fun instead of as away to earn Neopoints, Neopets was a great place. So here’s a ranking of all the most iconic games in Neopia to help take you back to your youth:

12. Extreme Potato Counter

The concept of counting potatoes couldn’t sound lamer if you tried. Yet, Extreme Potato Counter was actually fun.

There really was something about watching a bunch of potatoes fly across the screen as a child that was the peak of any Saturday night. Once you progressed enough into the game, distractors like corn and eggplants would try to throw you off — and as I type this out I’m starting to realise how lame the whole thing actually is.

11. Ultimate Bullseye II

Ultimate Bullseye II was the perfect game for nerds who like angles and numbers.

You’d easily ace Bullseye if you played those old school PC games like Worms, where you had to perfectly angle your shots to kill the bad worms. Just think of Ultimate Bullseye as the boring version of that, where you’re just a lone Turtum trying to hit the bullseye on a target. Sad!

However, even though the game sounds pretty straightforward it was actually strangely difficult to get right. Getting the exact power and angle you needed was tricky! But once you nailed the exact formula, you were able to get it right every time after that.

10. Poogle Racing

Poogle Racing taught kids the rush of gambling at an early age. If you think about it, Poogle Racing is basically the cartoon version of horse and greyhound racing.

And just like real-world gambling, there’s no real strategy to the Neopets game. You “pick” aka bet on which Poogle you think will win, and then smash the cheer button in the hopes your weird dog creature comes out on top. Spoiler: The cheering changes nothing.

It’s actually kinda fucked how blatant the gambling was. With a new race happening every 15 minutes in Faerieland, kids from across the world would gather at this game. Some would even bet all their Neopoints on the Poogle that would bring them the best return as each had different odds. It’s me. I bet all my Neopoints.

9. Kass Basher

Kass Basher as a concept is insane. The whole game is about how far you can whack Lord Kass with either a bread loaf, a stick or a bat. That’s it. That’s the whole game.

Working with the wind, you play as a Blumaroo who hits a Kass doll as far as it can go. Really, Kass Basher wasn’t really that fun because it was too straightforward. Luckily it was a game that could bag you a whole lot of Neopoints if you played it smart.

8. Meepit Juice Break

Meepit Juice Break was horrifying, if we’re being honest. Just look at those brightly coloured, demonic little Meepits desperate for some juice.

The aim of Juice Break was simple: Feed the angry cartoon hamsters before the time limit ran out using the game’s pipe system. The issue? Well, you’d have to feed multiple Meepits at once with the same pipes which made the whole thing way more confusing than it needed to be. Plus, while you were being a plumber, you also had to somehow avoid all rotten apples in the pipe lines?! A bit much if you ask me.

If you were a child good with problem solving, this was probably the game for you. But the stressful game design paired with the happy tropical holiday-type background music still haunts my dreams.

7. Snowmuncher

FOUND IT! IT WAS SNOWMUNCHER! ITS TOTALLY A MR DRILLER BOOTLEG pic.twitter.com/ieYsOYeb2c

— Nam Lemonade (To b vaxxed: May 28th) (@NAMCOnade) September 11, 2020

Snowmuncher was one of the more complex games in Neopets, with the player needing to keep their eyes on how each of their actions would affect the next.

In the game, you play as a Polarchuck who has 90 seconds to eat his way through snow until he reaches the bottom of the screen. Each chomp would remove any blocks of the same colour that were touching each other, with blocks above falling into the empty spaces — a bit like Tetris.

The obstacle, however, was that these falling blocks would crush you. Oh, and eating too much snow before reaching the end would make the polar bear literally bloat to death, which seems far too excessive for a children’s game.

6. Ice Cream Machine

Ice Cream Machine was both all my dreams come true as a child — and also my biggest nightmare.

The game was based on this baffling concept that Adee the Chia had eaten so much ice cream that she started to have nightmares about the treat. Ice Cream Machine is that nightmare, where Adee has to avoid the killer scoops being flung out by the machine. Kinda fucked when you think about it.

But as a way to pass the time, Ice Cream Machine was fun. All you really had to do was drag the Chia around the screen to avoid the ~killer scoops~ but as you passed a new level, the ice cream got faster and faster until it was basically impossible to avoid. Goals.

5. Destruct-O-Match

Destruct-O-Match was SO GOOD. And beyond the glorious Giant Omelette that gave out free food, it was the best thing Tyrannia had to offer.

There was just something so satisfying about matching a giant chunk of blocks and clearing them from the screen. But there was truly nothing that made me feel more powerful than having a perfect game where there were no blocks left over at all.

Destruct-O-Match got even better when they introduced the power-ups in later versions. Sure, the indestructible blocks and the timed ones were a bitch, but they made it so much more fun — especially if you tried to play in the chaotic double trouble extreme mode.

4. Meerca Chase II

petition for someone to make an app that’s just the meerca chase game from neopets bc i really need the excitement of finding a rainbow negg in my life pic.twitter.com/l4dCCTHeZp

— hope. (@hopeydopey526) April 30, 2019

For all the girlies who were obsessed with Snake on their Nokia 3310’s growing up, Meerca Chase was THE game to get around.

Taking the same concept of snake, Meerca Chase II was basically just a Meerca trying to collect a bunch of Neggs that differed in value — the most basic being a yellow and the rarest a fish. The only real rules were to avoid the walls, your tail and the red Neggs at all costs.

Though, for those who were feeling like a challenge, there was also freestyle mode which I still don’t really understand. Going from a straight line and 90 degree turns, freestyle mode allowed you to spin around in a full circle which is far too of a confusing concept for any child to grasp. (I hope. Otherwise how embarrassing for me to be the only child to not get it.)

3. Faerie Bubbles

Faerieland was easily the most beautiful land in Neopia and had some of the best games.

But Faerie Bubbles? It was just so ahead of its time. Honestly, Faerie Bubbles walked so that Candy Crush culture could RUN. With the ultimate goal of clearing the bubbles by matching three or more of the same type of ball — water, light, Earth, fire, dark or air –, Faerie Bubbles was just so damn stressful.

Unlike other Neopet games that were controlled by a timer, Faerie Bubbles was all strategy with the bubbles moving down based on how many moves you made. But when it mattered most, you could always count on being sabotaged by a dark combo. Yes, I’m still bitter.

2. Turmac Roll

Turmac Roll is still one of the most stressful games I’ve ever played.

Trying to control the little Turmac as he rolls down hills and jumps over tree trunks in the search for berries was tough. But because I love to give myself anxiety, playing on the hard level was the only way I wanted to live my life.

On hard, Turmac would zoom right through the level at horrifying speeds, which at least thankfully meant triple the points. All the stress was worth it though. Not only was the lil’ dinosaur-looking petpet super cute, but the berries he would collect were so adorable.

I mean, how can anyone forget the pink fluffy Jumbleberry or the black glittery Voidberry? Iconic, honestly.

1. Hasee Bounce

I love making new friends until the inevitable soul-crushing discussion arises and you find out they never once played Neopets.

Y’all need to do better. pic.twitter.com/CxyM65NJwn

— Violet 🔅 (@thatnerdviolet) January 21, 2019

There was something so adorably addictive about having to perfectly time Woogy and Jimmi’s jumps to catch the best Doughnutfruits. The checkered one was my personal favourite, but it was always hard to not panic when a fish doughnutfruit entered the screen.

While it all seems simple enough, trying to balance both Hasee’s jumps on the see-saw to avoid the literal pieces of shit and vomit floating around on screen was unbelievably difficult.

Plus, the rush of trying to grab the letter Doughnutfruit to try and add extra game time was everything my nine-year-old heart lived for.

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Michelle Rennex is a senior writer at Junkee. She tweets at @michellerennex.