NASA Has Found Evidence Of Water On Mars; Makes Matt Damon Look Like A Damn Fool

Matt. Mate. You were on the ground for months. You didn't see that water slide the size of a football field?

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After teasing their announcement all week and giving everyone false hope they’d found us all pet Martians, NASA have confirmed the more likely alternative: they’ve found evidence of water on Mars. Though we already knew the planet had water in ice form this new discovery is the first indication of liquid — a significant win for the theory Mars could be capable of supporting some kind of life.

This particular suspicion has been explored since 2010 when one scientist spotted a series of streaks along the rock formations. Like the trails on your walls when there’s a leak in the roof (not the technical description), these markings approximately the length of a football field looked like they may be caused by trickling water. Today, that theory has been pretty much confirmed.

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Image via NASA.

All this was discovered when minerals were detected on the planet’s surface from NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, but it’s suspected the water is most likely quite shallow and salty — with a freezing point well below pure water. Though it would be tantamount to drinking sea water on its own, once purified it would be fine for human consumption.

At the moment, NASA has only had a good look at just 3 percent of the planet where this could be occurring, so there’s much more exploration to be done. However, it’s a hugely promising first step. Overcome by the possible implications of it all, the news was announced overnight in a press conference by a bunch of adorable old nerds who appeared to be on the verge of orgasm.

The reaction on Twitter was slightly more barbed. Some were let down at the lack of aliens and the rest opted for some easy laughs.

Despite having spent awhile on the planet recently, Matt Damon is yet to make an official statement on the news. It’s ridiculously good news for his publicists considering his film The Martian premieres in just two days, but it’s surely a bit embarrassing for the actor. For the next couple of months the world gets to watch him bounce around a tiny little space box and whinge about not having any water.

Mate, just go outside. There’s a water slide the size of a football field.