‘My Parents Open Carry’ Is Here To Tell Kids That Guns Are Great, Is Creepy As Hell

Today, in 'People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Breed'.

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Our favourite books when we were kids stay with us all our lives, filling us with affectionate nostalgia and instilling in us life-long values about sharing our possessions, standing up for what’s right and hunting that elusive bastard Wally down to the ends of the cold earth.

Now a new book is trying to introduce children to similarly normal, reasonable values that we all share, like how it’s completely fine for parents to carry fucking handguns around in front of their kids.

My Parents Open Carry is not only a thing that exists, it comes with a complete manifesto about how “our children are being raised with a biased view of our constitution and especially in regards to the 2nd Amendment.

“Before writing this, we looked for pro-gun children’s books and couldn’t find any,” the website states. I wonder why, friends. Maybe you should follow it up with an easy how-to manual to teach kids how to lay a fucking landmine, while you’re at it.

Here’s an excerpt:

In fairness, yes, cars and chainsaws can be dangerous, but cars and chainsaws have other useful applications besides defending your farm from the English and robbing liquor stores.

If the basic premise of this book isn’t enough to weird you out, just take a look into the cold, dead eyes of this family of would-be marksmen and tell me honestly if you would trust these people with a screwdriver, let alone a fucking Glock.


“Y’all wanna see a dead body?”

Think that’s bad? Look at these Children-of-the-Corn motherfuckers. These kids were turned down by the local cult leader for, and I quote, “being a bit off”. You don’t need to tell these kids they have the right to carry deadly weapons around in public; they are way ahead of you.



Whether or not you agree that giving guns to kids is a friggin’ weird idea, this book is clearly a mischievous demon’s way of invading people’s souls. Someone’s already done a parody retelling that is somehow less horrifying than the real thing, despite containing the words “kill your shit” on every single page.



To the hills, people. Ain’t no fancy book learnin’ in them hills.