Men Continue To Benefit From Rape Culture

The past few weeks in politics have been about as wild as it gets. To watch on as a government responds so badly to an allegation of rape within Parliament House, then doubles down to protect a man accused of another sexual crime has been extraordinary.

Women, in particular, have watched on aghast. And of course, we talk among ourselves (and with men who support the novel notion that women should be safe on their own planet) about why the Morrison government appears to have dug its heels in so staunchly on this.

There are many reasons some men (and women) require educating on issues of sexual violence. I believe there’s one barrier in particular that stops men from taking prevention of rape as a serious problem,

Bear in mind I know what I’m about to say about rape is a generalisation and doesn’t apply to all. Some men are hurt by rape culture as they’re victims too, and men in some oppressed groups face more barriers to living a safe, happy life than some women do. In addition, women who belong to groups which aren’t the majority in Australia (including women of races other than white, LGBTIQ women, and disabled women) face even greater disadvantage, and it’s crucial to remember this.

Having made those disclaimers, here’s the critical thing about rape: almost every man living materially benefits from rape and rape culture. This means while most men aren’t rapists, nearly all men benefit substantially from some men being rapists.

Rape is intrinsically a system of control, and when women are desperately afraid of rape because some men rape, the behaviour of all women is altered in ways that advantage all men.

Here are just some of the ways women who’ve been raped or fear rape are different to otherwise-similar men:

1. Women who’ve been raped, sexually assaulted or sexually harassed (research shows this is north of 90 percent of all women and girls) often experience ongoing trauma and shame. This sets up multiple barriers to living a normal life, and definitively causes such women to be unable to work with the effectiveness of a similar man. Men are therefore more likely to be promoted or land a desired job over a woman impaired by trauma.
2. Women are more reluctant to take personal risks (such as being alone at night) than a man. This diminishes their capacity to undertake or train for some professions, and reduces workplace participation.
3. Women are forced to spend more time than men planning to avoid being raped. This takes time and emotional energy they don’t then have for other life-enhancing endeavours.
4. Women are less able to keep fit or undertake other self-care (bushwalking alone, for example), which reduces physical and mental health outcomes and reduces their ability to live a productive life.
5. Women are trained almost from birth to blame themselves for sexual crime. This reduces confidence, diminishes their ability to compete with men, and impairs overall life participation.

I understand spelling this out makes me seem a man-hater. It shouldn’t need to be said, but seriously: I’m not. I’ve been married for 30 years to a gentle, kind man and we have two gentle, kind sons. I had a great dad. I have been sexually assaulted twice (once as a child by a virtual stranger, and once a few years ago by a family friend), and while those events haven’t turned me against decent men, they have allowed me to concentrate my thinking on rape.

In any case, sometimes truths — hard truths — must be faced. One of the hardest truths that every Australian man watching the current government train-wreck unfolding needs to know is that he’s almost certainly benefited in one or more ways from the fact that rape exists.

If you’re a man reading this, you’ve probably been successful in a job application or promotion at some point over a woman with lowered confidence because she’s been raped, or who wasn’t even in the running since her life was destroyed by it. (I know for sure the first sexual assault I experienced badly impaired my ability to study effectively. I did finish university, but it was a lower-tier program I now know I chose unconsciously as I knew I wouldn’t cope emotionally with more difficult study. I’ve always felt I didn’t live up to my early potential, and only recently finally realised this isn’t my fault.)

Understand you’ve always had more freedom and headspace since you don’t need to plan day-to-day to avoid being raped. You don’t need to turn down extra work as you fear being raped on your way to a car park after dark, for example. (As my second sexual assault occurred just outside a toilet, I now find it difficult to go to the bathroom in public places or other people’s homes unless with a trusted person, and I wouldn’t be able to take on work which required me to do this frequently.)

You don’t need to do stressful things like carefully time visits to the photocopy room to ensure your rapey co-worker isn’t there. (Before attending university, I worked in a bank where staff facilities were upstairs. My manager used to sit under those open stairs taunting women who by decree of management had to wear skirts, looking up our dresses as we ascended. I lost tons of weight that year — and missed a promotion due to illness caused by malnourishment — as I was too afraid to go up to the lunchroom.)

Finally, since men aren’t even aware of the struggles most women go through just to appear to be functioning normally while living within this culture, they’re blissfully ignorant of all those ways in which their lives are easier.

I’m not asking men to atone with sackcloth and ashes for the ways they benefit from rape culture (although hey, knock yourselves out!). What I do ask is that men learn about how the patriarchy is a system of control set up to benefit them, and how rape is an intrinsic part of that. Because unless men decide to understand this, they will (consciously or unconsciously) continue to live in ways that promulgate rape culture.

For any man, the idea that he may be doing that should be utterly abhorrent.

There are many actions men can take to try to redress this unfair advantage most men have over women who’ve survived sexual assault. For now, let me just say one of the most unbearable things to watch in past weeks has been the male journalists taking up column inches on this rape issue when they already benefit from rape culture. This comes across to many women as heaping insult onto our already-significant injuries of being silenced and shamed.

Yes, women need allies and supporters in this. But mens’ biggest job right now is to listen, absorb and learn from the women in your lives about rape.

And right now, this is something every decent man can do.

Thanks in advance to those willing to make the effort.

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Jennie Hill trained as a teacher and has operated her own training business for 30 years. She’s also worked as a public speaker, author and feminist writer. She’s now the founder and CEO of MFW Limited, which runs campaigns to reduce the incidence of hate speech and lies in Australian media and politics.