‘Masked Singer Australia’ S1E3 Recap: Dave Hughes Is Horny For Every Mask(ed Singer)

If an episode of Masked Singer Australia airs and no judges guess a celebrity who was on the US version, does it even exist?

Lindsay Lohan thinks Robot is Joey Fatone, but hey, at least we’re past dropping La Toya Jackson for the third time. We assume a cease-and-desist was sent after Channel 10 kept using the same haunted photo.

Y’all couldn’t get a better picture of Latoya? #MaskedSingerAU pic.twitter.com/qtbtK3tLh2

— Jarryd Prain (@PastPrainFor) September 23, 2019

It’s another week of guessing who the celebrities are behind the mask. Despite growing increasingly confident in our guesses, it remains exciting to watch *checks notes* Dannii Minogue and Dave Hughes make quips — though we’ll feel like a ripe Icarus when every contestant turns out to be La Toya Jackson.

Sure, five masked singers were on-stage tonight at the same time, but surely La Toya could employ four other people to take her place. In fact, she probably isn’t even there: she just pre-records her songs from LA, and will film her eight-way de-masking via green screen.

Hell, it’s still a better guess than anything Dave Hughes has thrown out, though Pauline Hanson would absolutely jump at the chance to be on this show and appeal to the masked masses. Then again, she’s not a fan of face coverings. It turns out Osher Günsberg is, though.

This week, he comes out in a mohawked-mask, before ripping it off in a dazzling display of courage. He cannot be restrained.

This episode, Alien was decapitated to reveal that Nikki Webster was behind the mask, who then handed out flyers for her dance studio and got the audience to raise their ‘Strawberry Kiss’ cocktails to celebrate 10 percent off every new sign up using the code “my cocktail is better than Lindsay Lohan’s namesake sushi roll”.

Let’s continue guessing who the celebrities are under the costumes, as is the idea of the show I am writing about, a show called Masked Singer Australia.

Wolf

Millsy was one of the first men on TV I found attractive as a child, so it’s not surprising that watching the wolf floss made me want to help clean out his cavities. Lohan, who seems to be having a genuinely good time filming, agrees that Wolf can [redacted] everyone’s [redacted] and he’d be right to do it, saying she’s ‘blushing’ after Wolf performs one of the most generic pop songs currently on the radio.

All the clues continue to match up to Wolf being Millsy: he found success elsewhere (the stage) after Australian Idol, where he wasn’t #1, and has proven to be a real all-rounder in entertainment.

just enjoying a nice glass of tap water, a little thirsty but definitely not because i've been singing underneath stage lights while wearing a heavy wolf costume pic.twitter.com/oMVgscayHA

— jared richards (@jrdjms) September 30, 2019

The extra clue about ‘waiting by the phone for the coach to call’ means nothing to me, but as a Melburnian, Milsy probably wanted to be an AFL star growing up? Who cares, it’s 100 percent him, which Jackie O knows: she guesses him!

Before the ad break, we see the judges panel be reset by hair and makeup, and watch Jackie O and Minogue talk about how they’ve been told they ‘frown too much’ while watching: remove the mask of reality TV, and you’ll expose surface-level sexism.

Lion

The panel has toned down their ‘YASS QUEEN!’ energies this episode, which is great, because Kate Ceberano’s Lion deserves better. We’re not entirely sure of who it is yet, but either way, Dave Hughes is absolutely horny for them.

Lion sings Billie Eilish’s ‘bad guy’ and the rendition destroys the song’s appeal more than the remix featuring Justin Bieber, though it was the first time the “might seduce your dad type” line didn’t make me cringe. Mostly I was confused, as I’m pretty sure my dad isn’t a furry: he normally goes for women younger than my sister. (Nobody send this to him!)

Lindsay realising the Lion was about to sing Bad Guy is a huge mood #MaskedSingerAU pic.twitter.com/M4McaBywlH

— mat whitehead (@matwhi) September 30, 2019

The clues about being Queen Of The Jungle could point towards I’m A Celebrity… winner Casey Donovan, but Ceberano was queen of Moomba Festival in 2010, and the clues about Serena and the bodyguards wearing sports bra seems to point towards her deal with Berlei bras.

Prawn

This will be some British man I’ve never heard of, and the world will continue to rapidly fall apart.

Minogue’s ex Kris Smith remains the top guess online, with a sleuth from Punkee’s “Reality Tea” Facebook group saying that Smith has co-hosted Channel 10’s The Living Room before, which connects the clue about spending time in the house.

Robot

Robot sings Daryl Braithewait’s ‘Horses’, confirming that he is quite young. Instead of leaving the song in its traditional home (being sing-yelled at Sydney’s Marly Bar at 1.11am while everyone hugs their best mate and spills a jug of Furphy), Robot gives a solid performance.

There is absolutely no way he isn’t Cody Simpson, and queen of guessing Jackie O nails it. Meanwhile Lohan guesses Joey Fatone, who, as previously mentioned, was on the US version of this show.

Alien

When Webster de-masks, she says she did the show for her daughter to guess at home. It’s incredibly sweet, for a show which feeds off the imagined desperation of celebrities for a second (or third) shot of fame.

We’re still guessing around who ‘needs’ this show, but Webster doesn’t need fame at all. Last time she did the media rounds was to re-release ‘Strawberry Kisses’ as a fundraiser for Starlight charity, and given her slight skittishness when de-masked, it really does seem like she did it for her kid.

Given Lohan’s position on the panel, the comparison is a stark reminder that it’s often best for child stars to leave the mask behind.

Tonight, more singers sing, and one, assumedly, will be de-masked.

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Masked Singer Australia airs on Channel 10/Win at 7.30pm Mondays and Tuesdays, and is available to stream on 10 Play.

Jared Richards is a staff writer at Junkee, and wants a strawberry kiss. Follow him on Twitter.