News, But Redacted: Mark Humphries Has Created The AFP’s Dream News Organisation

"Just a reminder to our viewers -- if you'd like to join the conversation about whistleblowing, there are some serious consequences."

Mark Humphries

When the Australian Federal Police raided ABC offices and the home of a News Corp journalist last week, many described their actions as a war on journalism itself. Over at 7.30, though, comedian Mark Humphries has pointed out that the AFP doesn’t hate all journalism, by showing us a vision of the cops’ dream news organisation.

It’s called AFP News, and it’s pretty similar to ABC News, except censored. Hosts hastily shred documents before live crosses, and panel discussions are extremely efficient (as is to be expected, when panellists can only offer “no comment”).

Audience interaction is also blessedly brief, perhaps because hosts remind viewers that “if you’d like to join the conversation about whistleblowing, there are some serious consequences!”

Still, fear not: AFP News is committed to delivering the quality journalism this country relies on. “Here at AFP News, we’ve always believed in the five W’s of journalism: who, what, when, where, and why,” Humphries explains.

“Who’s your source? What’s in your underwear drawer? When are you gonna tell me your source? Where’s that USB? Why don’t you come down with me to the station, alright?”

You can get a full (well, slightly redacted) insight into AFP News below. Make sure to watch a second time and focus on the headlines ticker — sometimes the best stories are right under your nose.