Politics

Mark Humphries Launches 1800-RESIGN Service For Embattled Politicians

"Are you a political candidate who has disgraced themselves? Do you feel like there's no way out? Well there is -- you can resign!"

Mark Humphries

This week, you might have noticed an uptick in politicians being described as “embattled”, “beleaguered”, or even “disgraced”. After all, it’s been an absolute shocker of a week for the Liberal Party in particular, which has had to disendorse three candidates after some disgusting Facebook posts came to light.

If you’re one of those newly embattled candidates, it can be hard to know how to respond. Thankfully, the ABC’s Mark Humphries has you covered, with a new 1800-RESIGN service to help point you in the right direction.

“Basically, I help politicians make the exciting transition from disgraced candidate to disendorsed candidate,” Humphries explained on 7.30 last night.

“This week, obviously, I’ve been dealing with Steve Dickson,” he continued, referring to the One Nation senator who was forced to resign after footage emerged of him being an absolute scumbag to women in a strip club.

“You’ve got to feel for a guy who’s considered too tainted even for One Nation. It’s like a rockmelon that’s too ugly for the ugly fruit section at Woollies. That must be one fucking ugly melon.”

He also had some sage advice for One Nation in the future: “don’t preselect your candidates from the Pornhub comments section”. It’s a great tip for all political parties, come to think of it.

And great news if you’re a politician who could use some of this advice at the moment — Humphries says that right now, he’s actually got plenty of time to help.

“I’ve got to admit, things have been pretty slow around here in the last few days,” he admitted. “Other than the One Nation stuff, there’s just been the one candidate who made the anti-Semitic Facebook post, the one candidate who made abhorrent comments about Muslims, the one candidate who made homophobic comments about Tim Wilson, the one candidate who says women lack the business skills to get a pay rise, and the one candidate who linked same-sex marriage to paedophilia.”

“Other than that, it’s been pretty quiet, really.”

You can watch the full sketch below.