Conservatives Are Seething Over Lil Nas X Giving Satan A Lap Dance, So He’s Dragging Them Back

"There is a mass shooting every week that our government does nothing to stop. Me sliding down a CGI pole isn’t what’s destroying society."

Lil nas x conservatives montero call me by your name

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Despite conservatives constantly referring to the left as “snowflakes”, their recent track record proves that right-wing nuts seem to the ones who are actually way too easily offended by things.

In the last month alone, conservatives have been outraged over a plastic potato toy rebranding to be gender neutral, a cartoon rabbit from Space Jam losing her tits, and, of course, somehow have blamed Cardi B performing ‘WAP’ at the Grammys for a number of racist Dr Seuss books being pulled from shelves.

But the latest thing causing pearl-clutching among conservatives appears to be Lil Nas X’s music video for his latest track, ‘MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)’.

While the song itself is not as overtly sexual as the widely-hated ‘WAP’, Lil Nas X’s video is a raunchy visual that details the rapper’s literal descent to hell through some impressive pole dancing, which ends with Lil Nas literally giving Satan a lap dance before killing him.

As expected, conservatives have lost their minds over the entire music video. Between the anti-Christian imagery, the same-sex make-out scenes, and the whole worshipping of Satan thing, the right reckon that Lil Nas’ video is the “agenda” and “system” at play again, as the music industry allegedly tries to negatively influence and corrupt young children.

A number of people even noted how “irresponsible” the rapper’s decision to make the ‘MONTERO’ video was because “Lil Nas X’s fanbase in mostly children”.

Sadly for them, Lil Nas agreed. It was him pushing an agenda, but just not in the way they thought. In a note to Twitter, the rapper noted that the ‘MONTERO’ music video is actually an ode to his 14-year-old self, and was made with the hopes to “open doors for many other queer people to simply exist”.

“You see this is very scary for me, people will be angry, they will say I’m pushing an agenda,” the rapper wrote in a letter to his younger self that was shared to Twitter. “But the truth is: I am. The agenda to make people stay the fuck out of other people’s lives and stop dictating who they should be.”

“I am an adult,” Lil Nas continued in another tweet. “I am not gonna spend my entire career trying to cater to your children. That is your job.”

“I literally sing about lean and adultery in ‘Old Town Road’. You decided to let your child listen. Blame yourself.”

But this didn’t stop pearl-clutchers and die-hard Christians from having a massive sook online, calling the video “the end of times” and “a sick and depraved attempt to destroy our society”… even though Lil Nas did the super-religious a favour by killing Satan, who is Christianity’s ultimate enemy.

This irony wasn’t lost on Lil Nas X, however, with the rapper finding it quite strange that the religious were mad for him doing what they’ve been telling gay people to do for ages for simply existing: Go to hell.

“I spent my entire teenage years hating myself because of the shit y’all preached would happen to me because I was gay,” he tweeted. “So I hope you are mad, stay mad, feel the same anger you teach us to have towards ourselves.”

“Y’all saying a gay n***a twerking on a CGI Satan is the end of times like slavery and the Holocaust didn’t happen,” Lil Nas continued in response to the backlash. “There is a mass shooting every week that our government does nothing to stop. Me sliding down a CGI pole isn’t what’s destroying society.”

“Y’all love saying we going to hell but get upset when I actually go there lmao.”

Despite noting how hypocritical Christians have been in their critiques, this didn’t stop conservatives from continuing their attack on Lil Nas X — and, beautifully, Lil Nas dunking on them all right back.

“Our kid are being told that this kind of product is, not okay, it’s ‘exclusive’,” Governor Kristi Noem tweeted about Lil Nas X’s “Satan Shoes” — a MSCHF collaboration that came out at the same time as the ‘MONTERO’ music video, which apparently contain one drop of human blood in the soles. “We are in a fight for the soul of our nation. We need to fight hard.”

“You’re a whole governor and you’re on here tweeting about some damn shoes,” Lil Nas X responded. “Do your job!”

Naturally, right-wing poster child Candace Owens also had to weigh in on the debate by claiming that “Black America” isn’t being held behind because of “white supremacy” but rather because of a couple pairs of “Satan shoes” and Cardi B being named Woman of the Year.

And Kaitlin Bennett, better known as Gun Girl and the woman who allegedly shit herself at a frat party at college, also decided to add her two cents by saying she was “thankful to be blocked by Lil Nas X” during a week like this.

“I still see your tweets shitty pants,” he responded. “Do you still see your dad?” Gun Girl asked back.

“Yep and I might fuck yours,” quipped the rapper.

Truly beautiful stuff to see. Anyway, stream ‘MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)’ to support our conservative-destroying king, Lil Nas X.