Kanye West Gifted Kim Kardashian A Deeply Cursed Hologram Of Her Dead Father For Her Birthday
We live in the single most cursed timeline.
We’re living in 2020, which means we’re currently situated in the era most prior societies thought would be lousy with hoverboards and flying cars.
Needless to say, we don’t have those things. Instead, the most futuristic shit we have access to is environmental collapse, terrifying Boston Dynamics robots that are definitely gonna be used to hunt down freedom fighters, and now, a hologram of Kim Kardashian’s dad gifted to her by her husband Kanye West.
See, earlier today, Kim shared her 40th birthday present online — a janky, deep-faked CGI replica of her father, Robert Kardashian.
The first thing you’re gonna have to do is watch the thing, otherwise most of what I’m about to tell you will be incomprehensible.
For my birthday, Kanye got me the most thoughtful gift of a lifetime. A special surprise from heaven. A hologram of my dad. ✨🤍 It is so lifelike! We watched it over and over, filled with emotion. pic.twitter.com/jD6pHo17KC
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) October 29, 2020
Yep, you heard every word of that right — that’s Robert Kardashian, OJ Simpson’s friend and lawyer, congratulating his daughter on the woman she has become.
“You’re 40 and all grown up,” the deepfake hologram monstrosity says. “You look beautiful, just like when you were a little girl. I look over you and your sisters and the kids every day.”
How Did This Deepfake Get Made?
Now, straight up, I’m going to have to direct you to assess the quality of this deepfake, which is far from perfect. You can pretty clearly see how this thing has been assembled — that’s an actor with Robert’s vague body-type, with a CGI face painted onto their head.
That means some unfortunate actor got hired by whatever contractor Kanye found to make this thing, and had to stand in front of the camera with a green-screen sock over their head while wildly gesturing their arms.
As to animating Robert’s face, that’s (terrifyingly) easy these days, particularly for someone as photographed and videotaped as he. All a company would need to do is composite together a number of shots from all around his head, and voila — creepy CGI puppet.
The real trick is the voice. Audio deepfakes tend to be jankier than visual ones these days, meaning it’s possible that Kanye just hired a sound-alike of Robert, rather than stitching together his voice from old clips. But hey, in either case: still pretty terrifying to summon your wife’s famous father back from the dead.
Oh, and that’s not even the wildest thing. As far as I’m concerned, the wildest moment is when Robert starts talking about “peefees”, which he does twice. Leading us to the inevitable question…
What Does Peefee Mean?
According to Urban Dictionary, a “peefee” is a pussy fart. Now, it’s entirely possible that Kanye programmed the hologram to spit in-jokes, and that in the Kardashian household, peefee means something totally different. But I’m afraid to inform you, that the Urban Dictionary translation of peefee works perfectly well in this context.
“Sometimes I drop hints that I’m around, like when you hear someone make a big peefee, or when you make a big peefee,” the hologram says, dropping that final word with a wry smile.
So yeah. Deeply haunted shit.
The Internet Has Been Broken
Anyway, predictably, because this whole thing is a total shitshow, the internet has spent every moment since it dropped turning the thing into a meme. Twitter in particular has exploded into a mess of hologram jokes, which is a sentence I never once imagined I’d write.
For my birthday, Kanye got me the most thoughtful gift of a lifetime. A special surprise from heaven. A hologram of my dad. ✨🤍 It is so lifelike! We watched it over and over, filled with emotion. pic.twitter.com/38CW6zccBO
— yağmur the needlessly defiant (@coolabedflms) October 30, 2020
For my birthday, Kanye got me the most thoughtful gift of a lifetime. A special surprise from heaven. A hologram of my dad. It is so lifelike! We watched it over and over, filled with emotion. pic.twitter.com/1ZjwkoALx3
— Respectable Lawyer (@RespectableLaw) October 30, 2020
FUCK my wifes birthday is tomorrow and I also got her a hologram of Robert Kardashian
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) October 30, 2020
the plan? create a hologram so lifelike it makes david schwimmer obsolete pic.twitter.com/oXaQM42oTI
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) October 30, 2020
— Evil Seth Simons (@evil_simons) October 30, 2020
Ya know that old adage about how much it sucks to live in interesting times? Yeah, maybe that’s the final word to be said on this one.