Culture

Junkee Investigates: Is Julian Assange’s Twitter Being Controlled By An Evil Space Robot?

All signs point to yes.

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Until today, I had never really considered the possibility that WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange might actually be dead, and that all his recent public appearances and interviews were fabricated using an elaborate series of holograms. But now my eyes have been opened.

Some context: earlier today, someone on Twitter claiming to be Julian Assange declared that he, Julian Assange, was still very much alive.

“Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated”, tweeted @JulianAssange.

Assange 1

Hmmm

Sounds legit, until you consider that this is exactly what someone trying to cover up Julian Assange’s death would say.

The official Wikileaks account then tweeted that “our publisher @JulianAssange has activated his personal account and made his first tweet today.”

Oh shit… looks like this conspiracy goes all the way to the top.

Assange 2

HMMM

Now you may think this whole thing sounds ridiculous BUT CONSIDER THIS: Assange wrote that the “rumors” had been greatly exaggerated DESPITE THE FACT that as an Australian he would normally spell it “rumours”. WAKE UP SHEEPLE, WAKE UP!

Further strengthening my case that Julian Assange is either dead or being mind-controlled by a cabal of shadowy mole people who live deep, deep underground — there’s no blue verified tick on his Twitter account.

Assange 3

WHO ARE YOU?!?

Poor Pamela Anderson is going to be devastated when she realises that she’s being catfished by a Russian hacker.