Music

This Jessica Simpson And Jewel Duet Is The Most Cursed Thing On The Internet

A clip of them performing 'Who Will Save Your Soul?' has gone viral on Twitter, on account of it being completely and utterly bizarre.

Jessica Simpson and Jewel

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Sometimes, the culture spawns these moments so bizarre that you spend the rest of your life carrying the dread memory of them with you, pouncing on innocents like the Ancient Mariner, and croaking, your voice stained with trauma, “Remember when Jessica Simpson and Jewel performed a very cursed duet during a 2004 ABC TV special?”

A clip of their joint performance of ‘Who Will Save Your Soul?’ has once again begun to circulate around Twitter, and has an energy entirely of its own. I could attempt to explain it to you, but to be honest, I’m not entirely convinced that I have the words, so it’s probably best you just watch it and then we talk.

Listen, the extremely “Early Two Thousands” outfits are one thing. The extremely “Early Two Thousands” voices are another thing. But it’s impossible not to dedicate at least 100 words on whatever’s going on in these two people’s faces.

Simpson starts the set by contorting the lower half of her face into impossible shapes, spitting the lyrics out of her maw like they’re broken teeth. And then Jewel starts trying to upstage her, the two of them gurning like their lives depend on it. It’s a lot, is what I’m saying.

There’s some context to the performance — it was part of an ABC TV special (the US channel, not the Australian broadcaster) designed to promote Jewel’s record 0304, styled like an old school Dolly Parton variety show. But that doesn’t explain even half of what’s going on.

The only explanation: the year was 2004. That’s all I’ve got.