Tanya Would’ve Torn Sydney Apart
Gone too soon.
Jennifer Coolidge announced that she was heading to Vivid on her Instagram and TikTok this morning, donning a lux white coat in bed, for some reason. Icon behaviour.
Coolidge played the ineffable Tanya McQuoid in Mike White’s satirical dramedy, who ultimately met her derpy demise at the end of Season 2, much to the audience’s dismay. Tanya will always live on as one of the most elusively captivating characters of our generation, thanks in part to one of the most on-brand TV deaths of all time.
With the news that Coolidge will be gracing Sydney with her presence in mere months, my mind reeled at the implications. Will she like Sydney? Does this mean I actually have to go to Vivid? Can someone remind her to bring that fancy white coat, because it’ll be freezing in June.
Better yet, I wondered how Tanya herself (RIP) would fair. The girl loved her luxury, but she was also preciously delighted by the simple things, like a good massage (let’s ignore the blatant manipulation that came with that), and some macarons (let’s ignore the gaslighting there, too).
So, what would a day in the life of Tanya in our grand city look like?
I can’t imagine Tanya’s day starting before 10am at the earliest, so brunch it is. Somewhere in the heart of the city, close to where she’d be staying, I’m sure. The Mayflower in Darlinghurst seems like a Tanya fave, or the iconic Bills.
Where to next for our tragic heroine? Would she climb the Harbour Bridge? I don’t think so. Tackle the Bondi to Coogee walk? Unlikely. No, I think it’s best to assume our Tanya is a creature of habit and will hit up a luxury spa experience, like the day spa at The Langham, or maybe to Bondi’s MO+, to get her ready for her next stop. After all, Tanya McQuoid must visit Sydney’s most famous beach, complete with a late lunch at Icebergs or Totti’s — maybe both?
Of course, the night will end with a show at the Sydney Opera House, topped off by late night drinks at the Opera Bar. Will she offer a waitress there her very own restaurant? Meet a conniving divorcee who prays on her vulnerability? Here’s hoping she’ll meet a group of gays who can actually show her a good time, not a short time.
— out of context the white lotus (@oocwhitelotus) December 12, 2022