Culture

Everyone’s Making Dick Jokes After A Journalist Was Caught Wanking During A Zoom Call

When even O.J. Simpson is clowning you for whipping your dick out, you know you've hit rock bottom.

by Michelle Rennex  21 October 2020
Jeffrey Toobin Zoom Dick Incident meme

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Just six months after a couple of uni students were called out for giving and receiving a cheeky mid-lecture handjob, a New Yorker journalist has lived out every adult’s worst nightmare by getting caught having a wank in the middle of Zoom call.

Jeffrey Toobin, a chief legal analyst for CNN and reporter for The New Yorker, has since been suspended from his reporting duties after he “accidentally” exposed himself during a Zoom call between the magazine and WNYC radio.

As first reported by VICE yesterday, Toobin was caught “jerking off” during a virtual call last week, where the journalist thought his video was toggled off as those in the call performed an “election simulation”.

Anonymous members in the Zoom call explained that they saw Toobin masturbating after the “Democrats and Republicans” returned from their 10 minute strategy session in seperate breakout rooms. After being caught, Toobin allegedly left the call and then rejoined as though nothing had happened, and the election simulation continued.

“I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologise to my wife, family, friends and co-workers,” Toobin told VICE. “I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”

While Toobin was suspended from his role at The New Yorker as the company “investigate the matter”, CNN granted their chief legal analyst’s request for some “time off while he deals with a personal issue”.

As the call was literally a run through of what the upcoming election may be like, it’s hard to understand why Jeffrey Toobin was so horny in that given moment. I genuinely can’t think of anything less sexy than a bunch of adults role-playing people and groups like “Donald Trump, the military, and the far-right”.

And even if this “election simulation” was what made Toobin horny, it’s still no excuse for jerking off during a meeting and, even worse, in front of your colleagues. In fact, if this happened in a real-life, Toobin would easily be charged with sexual harassment.

So, it’s a very strange turn of events that people and publications seem to be defending and normalising Jeremy Toobin and his Zoom call wank, through articles like BuzzFeed’s ‘Jeffrey Toobin Can’t Be The Only Person Masturbating On Work Zoom Calls‘ and Vox reporter German Lopez tweeting and deleting: “Not sure someone getting caught doing something almost everyone does should be a national story”.

Justifying Toobin’s actions by saying it was just “an accident” and that masturbating is something that “everyone does” is truly baffling to see — as if jerking off during a work meeting isn’t an active choice to make. One does not simply whip their dick out and start to rub one out as their colleagues speak by accident. That is, quite literally, a deliberate and calculated move.

Thankfully most condemned Jeffrey Toobin’s actions and called for the high-profile journalist to be fired and charged for his “Zoom Dick Incident”. And naturally, people couldn’t help but deservedly poke fun at the whole situation with memes about Jeffrey Toobin’s uncontrollable urge to rub one out during a very important Zoom call trending on Twitter overnight.

While some may say that joking about the Zoom Dick Incident is ~insensitive, sad and mean~, the only truly insensitive thing here is how a 60-year-old man had such little self-control and a total lack of respect for his colleagues that he masturbated during a simulation of the upcoming presidential election. That’s what’s actually sad.

So men, just don’t be like Jeffrey Toobin. Save your wanks for when you finish work for the day.