Culture

Jeff Bezos Thanked Amazon Workers For Funding His Space Trip & Please Sir, Just Read The Room

I guess all those workers pissing in plastic bottles was worth it then, hey Jeff?

Jeff Bezos Thanks Amazon Workers Paying Space trip

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In case you missed it, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos just spent $5.5 billion USD to ride a dick-shaped rocket to the edge of space for a couple minutes.

Yes, last night, the world’s richest man broke through the Kármán line space boundary to officially make it into space for a brief, and very expensive, rich person excursion.

Along with his brother Mark, Bezos also let 82-year-old aviation pilot Mary ‘Wally’ Funk fulfill her lifelong dream of being an astronaut and allowed the final seat to be bought and filled by an 18-year-old student with a very rich father after the original seat was sold for $28 million.

While in the air, Bezos was heard saying “Happy, happy, happy! You have a very happy crew up here!” and the Amazon founder was still buzzing over the experience when the Blue Origin rocket safely returned to Earth.

“I am unbelievably good,” the billionaire said after the successful flight. “Best. Day. Ever.”

Once the excitement of blowing billions of dollars was over, Jeff Bezos and his flight crew sat down for an interview about the experience.

But before Bezos got into the nitty-gritty about his flight journey, the humble (lol) billionaire decided to first thank his Amazon employees and customers for paying for his trip.

“I want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all of this,” the man with a net worth of $205 billion said with a chuckle, demonstrating his inability to read the damn room.

“Seriously, for every Amazon customer out there, and every Amazon employee, thank you from the bottom of my heart very much. It’s very appreciated.”

Now, Jeff Bezos isn’t wrong. The reason he’s the richest person in the world and is able to spend billions on dumb things like dick space rockets is because he treats his Amazon workers like absolute dogs.

Famously against staff unionising, Amazon drivers have been forced to piss in plastic bottles and coffee cups to ensure daily delivery quotas are met while 75 percent of warehouse workers report that they experience physical pain or injury while trying to “make rate”.

Just yesterday, VICE broke the story of an Amazon warehouse worker miscarrying at work after her manager and HR denied the request for lighter duties despite having a valid doctor’s note that called for changes to her regular tasks.

With a reported break time of six minutes — including use of the bathroom — this means Jeff Bezos’ cheeky little space joyride was almost double the time that an Amazon employee has for breaks.

Beyond the clear physical issues, Amazon employees are also struggling mentally as a result of being overworked.

In 2019, The Daily Beast reported that “emergency workers were summoned to Amazon warehouses at least 189 times for suicide attempts, suicidal thoughts, and other mental health episodes” from October 2013 to October 2018.

Putting the poor treatment of Amazon workers aside for a minute, what also helps fund Jeff Bezos’ Dumb Shit Activity Fund™️ is moves like slashing $2/hour pandemic hazard pay after just three months.

Despite the billionaire’s net worth skyrocketing by $68 billion since January 2020, and warehouse staff being essential workers, money-saving tactics have worked to line Jeff Bezos’ pockets to help pay for things like his space trip.

Oh, and the fact that the richest man in the world has been able to totally avoid paying a fair tax rate on his income. For some perspective, from 2014 and 2018, Jeff Bezos only paid a true tax rate of 0.98 percent. The average income tax rate for Americans in 2017 was 14.6 percent.

So, while Jeff Bezos thanks his overworked Amazon employees and the customers who are forced to buy from him as Amazon monopolises the market, Bezos should also be thanking Americans for fronting the tax he refuses to pay.

At least he remembered to thank the people he exploited in public, right? So humble. So self-aware.