I Rewatched Every James Bond Film Ever And Ranked Them. Fight About It.

This story was originally published ahead of the release of SPECTRE (2015).

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James Bond is like family now. He’s like an uncle that disappears for years but always returns home with exotic tales from around the world. Of course, like family, he can be unreliable, but we’ve reached a point where misdemeanors are forgiven. Blood is thicker than water.

The cultural relevance of Bond has become more about endurance than whether the character is wearing a double-breasted suit or not. What is it about the Bond franchise that has made it last so long? I’ve agonised over every element of the series to try and find the answer, but Bond has always been a moving target with familiar elements — the music, the gadgets, the ladies — that rapidly change in execution, like the crack of a bullet from a Walther PPK. The tone of the series is more problematic because it has the attention span of George Lazenby’s interest in the franchise, which allows for little consistency.

I’ve come to conclusion that, in the uncertainty of this cruel world, the franchise’s lasting success comes down to the relief that “James Bond will return…”. It’s different from other behemoth film franchises because we know that EON Productions — in the business of Bond for over 50 years — will make good on their promise. If Bond says he’s going out for cigarettes, we know he’s coming back.

Ahead of the release of SPECTRE, I followed along with the excellent James Bonding podcast and revisited all the films in the unique order of watching the oldest first (Dr No) and then the newest (Skyfall). You then bounce between old and new until you finish in the middle (For Your Eyes Only). It’s a great way to revisit the series because you can contrast the extremities side-by-side rather than waiting to get to the modern interpretations of the character.

As a result of this experiment I’ve ranked the Bond films (Never Say Never Again inclusive), because ranking the Bond films a contractual obligation of any Bond fan ahead of the arrival of a new instalment in the franchise. These rankings are not definitive; the top ten is what I imagine it must be like having ten children you all love dearly.

Warning: minor spoilers.

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25. Die Another Day (2002)

The Bond franchise’s 40th anniversary was marred by surfing, rocket sleds, invisible cars, a fake-bearded Pierce Brosnan, more product placement than plot, an ice palace, giant destructive sun beams from space and a Madonna theme that sounds like a CD constantly skipping. It’s the greatest crime committed by screenwriting team Neil Purvis and Robert Wade, who stacked this film with awfulness.

Easily the worst entry in the franchise, and so putrid that the only way to move forward with the series was to tear it down and rebuild with Casino Royale.

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24. The World is Not Enough (1999)

The beginning of the end for Brosnan. How bad does it get? At the time they thought it would be a good idea to cast Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist named — wait for it — Christmas Jones. Ho ho no.

Again, Purvis and Wade have their fingerprints on this one; it’s like they’ve set themselves a goal to destroy Brosnan’s legacy. Sophie Marceau actually does a great job of playing a dual Bond girl/villain role and a few memorable action sequences stand out, particularly the opening boat chase sequence on the River Thames. The real saving grace is the excellent theme performed by Garbage (oh the irony) that oozes sex and lounge bar cool, a factor that had been seriously lacking from Bond themes for nearly a decade prior.

The great sadness of the whole affair is that it’s Desmond Llewelyn’s last appearance as Q after appearing in 17 Bond films, more than any other actor to date. A real pity they couldn’t have given him a better farewell.

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23. Never Say Never Again (1983)

Technically it’s not part of the official EON Bond franchise but it’s an interesting example of what happens when the rights to the character go rogue. Essentially, it’s a remake of Thunderball that came about after a legal battle between Bond creator Ian Fleming and writer Kevin McClory over a few stolen ideas during a brainstorming session.

McClory ended up winning the battle and retained the rights to the plot and characters within the franchise (namely the evil organization SPECTRE, now returned to EON), which led to the production of Never Say Never Again: a cash grab and middle finger aimed directly at Fleming and EON despite not beating their Bond of ‘83 at the box office, Octopussy. And this ranking makes Die Another Day and The World is Not Enough look worse because this half-cocked Bond (with Sean Connery returning to the role with a ‘who gives a shit’ attitude) still ain’t the worst one.

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22. The Living Daylights (1987)

This was Timothy Dalton’s debut as Bond — an actor far too talented for the role — and the last in the series to be based on one of Fleming’s stories before Casino Royale came along. It’s also the last Bond film before Die Hard landed and reshaped the action landscape that 007 had dominated for so long, before starting to run on its own fumes (as best represented by the tired Cold War themes of this one). Any mention of the KGB is more like KGzzzzzzz.

Bond teaming up with a small group of rebels in Afghanistan called the Taliban in the finale is still bizarre, and one of those moments where history has been unkind to the series.

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