It’s hard not to notice the glaring similarities between being stuck on a desert island with no water or food and the process of completing an entire assignment with four other people. They’re both extremely traumatic. In fact, which is worse? Who knows!

Here’s the indisputable evidence that attempting to complete a group assignment is pretty much the same as being a contestant on Survivor.

#1 Your Tribe Is Full Of Duds

Fucking. Awesome. You get given your tribe/assignment group and it’s full of absolutely hopeless people. In fact, you’re pretty much already plotting which one you’d kill for food first.

The typical personalities in a Survivor tribe and group assignment are pretty much the same. There’s the person who thinks they’re the boss and the one who says “they’re not here to make friends”, which is code for “I’m going to keep cutting you off in group discussions”. There’s the one who does absolutely nothing and the one who charms people into doing most of the work for them.

Not to mention the intruder: a no-show for eight weeks until it’s time to hand in the assignment and you begrudgingly have to put their name on the front. This was our island/project, man! You can’t just come in here and steal the thunder.

#2 You’re Left To Your Own Devices

What, Jonathan LaPaglia/your tutor is just going to leave you entirely alone to starve on a desert island/figure out the assessment requirements? That seems unsafe.

Just like in Survivor, your assignment group is made up of a bunch of incompetent misfits with the exception of one or two who know what they’re doing. You have to scrounge around for a decent argument/topic/facts much like you’d scrimp for supplies or immunity idols. But of course, with your group, this seemingly simple task is basically impossible. Jonathan LaPaglia/your tutor is nowhere to be seen.

The result is a crumbling shack barely held up by wilting banana leaves/peer-reviewed research.

#3 You’re Put To The Test

Oh, you think that standing on a log in the ocean for hours with nothing to hold to but each other is hard? You think hauling giant mudpacks and sticks across a stretch of remote Samoan sand is hard?

I’ll tell you what’s hard: trying to figure out a date and time for everyone to meet up that won’t clash with conflicting work and uni schedules. And then finding a way to respectfully decline an offer to work on the project at a group member’s rank share house.

That’s the kind of stuff that really challenges you. Give me the ocean log any day.

#4 There’s No Where To Run

In Survivor, the island is literal. There’s no where to escape to both physically and literally, or you’ll be met with drowning/no chance at the prize money.

In a group assignment, the island is metaphorical, which is somehow worse? There’s no physical representation for your sense of strandedness. You’re completely trapped in your mediocre group and can’t escape until your seemingly impossible task is complete. Fml.

#5 You’ll Find Out Everyone’s True Colours

When it finally comes to the day of Tribal Council/the group presentation, you’ll learn a lot about the people you’ve been working with for months.

Someone forgot the USB with the presentation on it, another forgot to print off the speaking notes and one seems to have forgotten this whole thing was on? Dammit, Ben, where you at?

Which brings us to the one advantage Survivor has that group assignments sadly don’t: the ability to vote people off. Because let’s be real, if you could vote people out of your group assignment, you’d be doing that shit solo. LaPaglia couldn’t extinguish the tiki torches fast enough.

(Lead image: Australian Survivor/Channel 10)