The ‘House Of The Dragon’ Wigs Continue To Be A Cause For Concern

Alas, House of the Dragon continues to drag us through questionable wigs and wig styling.

We’re three episodes into the Game of Thrones spin-off prequel, House of the Dragon. Set nearly 200 years before the divisive events of its predecessor, House of the Dragon follows Daenerys ‘Dany’ Targaryen’s royally messed up family at the height of their reign on the iron throne.

The show is serving up just about everything you’d expect from a series about the Targaryens — dragons, sex, bloody battles, crablike monster men, traumatic childbirth, fantasy-fueled pettiness, incest and… a lot of people who aren’t blond being forced to wear blonde wigs.

From the bottom of my heart, I thought the first episode exposed us to all the uncomfortable wiggery the series contained. However, in the episodes since, there have been more and so we must recap these hairy caps.

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Once Again, Why?

As if it isn’t a crime enough to have this beautiful young lady, as a tween, feature in a scene where she’s proposing marriage to a 40-something-year-old man, they have to put her in this too big for her head-bleached white beast.

Please tell me why her dark roots are visible. Why does this wig look like someone broke into Brian May’s home, chopped off his hair, bleached it and glued it to this baby’s head? Again, I must ask, were there no Black women in the wig department?

Blonde Wig Stays ON During Sexy Battle Sequence

Truly, it’s an incredible feat that even dragged through the fire, sweat, blood and guts of three years fighting a mutant crab man (this is the plot), Matt Smith’s Daemon Targaryen (or as I like to call him, Matt Daemon) has a head that’s as dry and shiny as a bowl of half-frozen ramen. Matt Smith makes it work in the barbarism of that final kill spree, but I am hoping his next victim is one of those hairlines. Also, this cap could easily be a meeting of Bad Headwear Anonymous.

So…No.

I am deeply convinced at this point that, not only are there no Black people in the wig department of House of the Dragon, but none of them has ever seen with their own eyeballs what loc texture actually looks like on a human being’s head. This show is beyond lucky that Steve Toussaint carries Corlys Velaryon so convincingly as the king he probably should be.

This Should Count As A Micro-aggression, Honestly

Please, see the above statements.

Should’ve Slayed (It Didn’t)

If I had long bleached white hair made of plastic and accidentally stood too close to the raspberry goon punch bowl at a mate’s house party, this would be the result. I see the vision for the foreshadowing of her blood-soaked hair, I do. Unfortunately, it’s giving Cheryl Cole’s infamous tampon dress, but……….hair.

BTE (Big Toupee Energy)

What can I say other than this toupee-looking do radiates pure evil? Look at it. I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s a completely different colour to his beard so I can’t tell whether it’s real or fake, but there’s something about it. Given Lord Otto’s nefarious and untrustworthy intentions as the King’s hand, perhaps the hair is method acting. Rhys Ifans, if you ever read this, I am sorry if this is your real hair and I loved you in The Boat That Rocked.

Points For Bravery

Jason, yes his name is Jason Lannister is a brave man. You have to have A LOT of courage to flirt with a 17-year-old in broad daylight, especially if that 17-year-old is Rhaenyra Targaryen, AND you have a side part so aggressively plastered down it’s an advertisement for a warring country’s border wall. This could easily be captioned with, “Picture it, House of the Dragon, but without a budget team that doesn’t cheap out on synthetic wigs”.

Put Down The Straightener, Please

Someone should do a very scientific trial where bikers attach this wig to their helmet to test whether it’s just as, or more effective than wearing high-vis gear. When The Weeknd sang about being blinded by the light, he was prophetically crooning about the sight of this wig that’s so severely straight, it stans Ed Sheeran.

Not Funny, ‘Ha Ha,’ Funny, ‘Not Even A Drag Queen Would Wear This’

It’s been three years since the events of episode one and not one Maester has offered King Viserys some Westrosi anti-frizz and by God it sows. Perhaps this unconditioned mess is the canary in the coal mine for how no one around Viserys actually cares about him, but it’s giving “what if Lucius Malfoy stuck his finger in an electric socket every morning?”.

At the end of every episode, I find myself asking the same questions: How are these wigs the stars of one of the most expensive shows in history? And why did the wig department not hire wig experts like Drag Queens, Black women, or Moira from Schitt’s Creek?