Lindsay Lohan Wrote Down The Names Of All The Famous People She’s Ever Sexed

What would you do if you were a famous celebrity? Hire a sad room at the Chateau Marmont, and get people to send up endless whiskey and tacos, obviously. But surely, once in a while, you’d sit around drunkenly with your friends, grab the nearest Scattegories score sheet, and casually jot down the names of all the famous people you’ve ever had romantic times with, just for kicks. This is what Lindsay Lohan did, and this is why Lindsay Lohan is the greatest celebrity that’s ever existed.

Respected science magazine InTouch got their hands on the pretty excellent “world exclusive“: a handwritten fuck-list they’re calling ‘Lindsay Lohan’s List Of A-List Lovers Exposed!’.

According to “a source”, Lindsay — who, at the moment, is mainly passing the time by hilariously fucking with Oprah on her new trainwreck reality show — scrawled the note during a boozy hang-out with friends at the Beverly Hills Hotel over a year ago. “They were giggling and talking shit about people in the industry,” said the source. “It was her personal conquest list. She was trying to impress her friends with the list and then tossed it aside.” Thank you for rescuing it from the dredges of time, you marvellous historian.

In case LiLo’s high-school calligraphy is unintelligible to your eyes, names featured on the list include That 70s Show‘s Wilder Valderrama, Joaquin Phoenix, “Zack Efron” (Lindsay typo), Colin Farrell, James Franco, Adam Levine, Garrett Hedlund, Our Heath Ledger, and a bunch of fancy no-names. Some names have been blacked out to protect the already enamoured. “They’re not all single guys,” says an “industry insider”. “This getting out now could rock several Hollywood relationships to the core.” Whatever, I’m still gonna pretend one of them is Tom Hanks.