In Defence Of Hawkeye’s Extremely Bold Haircut In The ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Trailer
There are three scenarios which led to Hawkeye getting that haircut, and each one makes me love him more.
Full disclosure before you commit to spending minutes of the only life that you’ll ever get to live reading this article about haircuts and the Avengers: Endgame trailer: I do not know anything about hairdressing, and I know pretty much nothing about Marvel movies.
I have seen precisely 3.5 Marvel movies: the first Avengers one, which I didn’t understand, the newest Avengers one with that big purple guy, which I also didn’t understand, and the one with the raccoon and the fake leg, which was very funny and I very much enjoyed.
Oh, and I was once in a room while one of the Captain America movies played, though I couldn’t tell you which one (there was a lot of shouting going on, and in one bit Captain America made a joke about Nirvana.)
For that reason, I was not expecting to have any feelings whatsoever about the Avengers: Endgame trailer. The little baby tree thing got snapped into a pile of dust at the end of the second Avengers movie I didn’t understand, and my interest in future instalments went with him. Killing a small plant that likes to boogie was a betrayal of my trust.
But I watched the trailer anyway, because watching the trailer meant not thinking about the other breaking news. And amidst shots of people looking very concerned and firing a gun in time to music and making that troubled hero face, I spotted something that immediately resonated with me — one of the most fascinating haircuts I have ever seen in my entire life.
Hawkeye got this haircut then started DMing women their own tweets like “yo men ARE trash…so you wanna get a drink sometime?” pic.twitter.com/jQJVJzJCxH
— yc (@yc) March 14, 2019
Now listen, like I forewarned you already, I do not know anything about haircuts. Maybe the shaved sides haircut that the arrow guy has in the Avengers: Endgame trailer is actually very popular.
My own hair has been arranged in what could generously be described as a ‘dragged through a hedge backwards’ look for the better part of my entire life. It is entirely possible that at the popular haunts that popular people frequent, everybody looks like they got into a fight with a bad-tempered lawnmower with a vendetta against sideburns and also all the hair that connects to your sideburns. But somehow I do not believe that this is the case.
Hawkeye getting a new haircut while Thanos is killing off all his friends and family pic.twitter.com/9l1Lx4RBEA
— Brett S. Vergara (@BrettSVergara) March 14, 2019
No, the haircut sported by the arrow guy is, I think we can mostly agree, not the kind of haircut that you are likely to encounter in a superhero film. And yet that is exactly why I would lay down my life for it.
Look, there are three scenarios that would lead to arrow guy having that haircut. One — arrow guy went to a very fancy hairdresser. It was the first time that he’d ever been, so arrow guy was a little bit nervous. But he looked at the prices, which were steep, and took the expense as an indication of quality. Nobody would fuck up hairdressing and then ask for $200 for the privilege, arrow guy thought, so when the hairdresser asked him what style he wanted, arrow guy said, ‘Something different — it’s up to you.’
Then, arrow guy sat there in horror as the hairdresser took out the clippers and did unspeakable things to his head. And when the horror was over, and the hairdresser stood back and asked arrow guy what he thought, arrow guy had to sit there, choking back the tears, and say, ‘looks great.’
Scenario two is that arrow guy set out to get this haircut and that he loves it.
Scenario three is that arrow guy got dumped or his partner turned into snap dust or something, and then he stayed up all night watching Judge Judy, drinking Chivas Regal and crying, and then gave himself a haircut in the bathroom mirror.
Why does Hawkeye’s haircut make him look like a contestant on the 2016 season of the bachelorette? pic.twitter.com/Kvohwp7eoZ
— Joseph (@jarebent) March 14, 2019
I don’t care which of the three scenarios is the correct explanation for that haircut, because they all achieve the same thing — they make me care very deeply for arrow guy. More deeply than I’ve cared for any Marvel hero since the dead tree baby, and that’s saying something. Suddenly, arrow guy has transformed from being a stony faced torso with all the dynamic range of a fistful of plastic forks into a real human being.
I care about him. If his haircut is born of hurt, I care about it. If his haircut is born of his unique tastes, I care about that too.
And maybe most of all, I care about the fact that when arrow guy heard all of the other superheroes were getting together, he didn’t wear a hat, or shave his hair into something a little less bold. He turned up as himself, unashamed and unbowed, for all to see.
And for that I love him.