You’re sitting in a tute and the random new person introduces themselves. Wow, you think, they’re cute! I never noticed the way their accent is a little bit — what is it? — British?? Their top fits them so well. What a concise and important argument they just made. 

You can’t stop finding excuses to stare at them. You’re twirling your hair. Before you know it, spiralling: my dad would LOVE them! Uncle Marty might have a few problems with their haircut but we can work through it. Will he be free in November for our annual trip down the coast? 

At this point, all you know is their name and a “quick fact about them” but in your mind, you’re married with two and a third on the way. Your heart races before every single tute. You try and find them online. You daydream about them at work.

Why does this happen? And better yet, how do you make it stop? Because odds are they’re not the person you made them up to be in your head. They’re a stranger! But for some inexplicable reason, you feel a connection with them.

Whether it happens in a tute, or at a party, or a customer who comes in to work, getting an instant and unrequited crush on someone can be crippling. Hell, even crushes on famous people fall into this category. If you find yourself in this predicament, here’s a few things you can do to weasel out of it.

#1 Is It Like Or Is It Limerence?

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term “limerence” to refer to a crush that’s more based in fantasy than reality. Infatuation, rather than genuine interest.

In regards to the phenomenon, Dr Kat Van Dirk told Refinery29, “There is often a perceived reciprocity of limerent behaviour and feelings that may not actually exist. This can cause issues for both the object of affection and the person themselves, [such as] extremely hurt feelings, self-shame, and in some rare cases, aggressiveness towards the unrequited partner.”

Acknowledging that it’s limerence or infatuation will help you to come to terms with your feelings, and hopefully view them through a different lense. Like, oh, I’m just temporarily infatuated with them! Rather than, if I don’t make out with them I may die.

#2 Talk About It (But Not Too Much)

You’ve probably been in your head thinking about this crush for a while now. It’s a good idea to give it some air by sharing your thoughts with your closest friends. Even a therapist could help.

Jane Mendle, a psychologist specialising in adolescence told Teen Vogue,  “Talking things through can help you understand more about why you feel the way you do, and also lets the people who care about you know what’s going on in your life and that you might need extra support right now.”

But watch out for talking about them too much. Talking through the same things over and over again is called “over-talking” and will just perpetuate your obsessive feelings.

#3 Don’t Facebook Stalk Them

Just don’t. There’s nothing on there you need to see. Besides, when you do finally track them down, you just KNOW you’re gonna be checking for updates at least 35 times a day. Seeing their Instagram or Facebook just adds fuel to your already raging fire.

#4 Widen Your Scope Of Interest

How about getting on Tinder or Bumble and swiping your crush away? You’ll fall in love with so many potential suitors that your crush will fade away.

It also helps because these are people actually in your reach — you know they’re single and you can connect with them in a meaningful way.

Having an unrequited crush feels terrible. You feel powerless and out of control and like you’re never gonna get over it. But you will! Give it time, be nice to yourself and give it space to slowly fade away.

(Lead image: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend/CW)