Every Brutal Detail You Might Have Missed In The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 8 Episode 3
Everyone is dead! Help! Argh!
After two episodes of reunions, boning, and foreshadowing, Game Of Thrones made good on its threats in an epic third episode.
It has been a rough week for pop culture lovers.
While millions were still mourning the events of Avengers: Endgame, millions more were preparing for what we knew was going to be some Bleak Shit in Game Of Thrones.
After the first two relatively joyful — for this show — episodes, all the signs were there. In fact, there were signs on signs. Stacks on stacks. Racks on racks.
Things were about to go down as the army of undead ice zombies (technical term) arrived at Winterfell and we prepared to lose people.
me prepping for tomorrow pic.twitter.com/Y3FzZPIXxZ
— the big woman (@jilleeann_) April 27, 2019
With a runtime of 82 minutes, episode three The Long Night was the first of the movie length episodes that round out the final series of Game Of Thrones.
That’s a lot of time for beloved characters to die, that’s a lot of time for epic sacrifices, that’s a lot for fan theories to come to fruition, and that’s a lot of time for almost a decade worth of storylines to start paying off.
Bouncing from Endgame to Winterfell. pic.twitter.com/VrgE8T7p5q
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) April 27, 2019
The Night King and his army while Podrick was singing pic.twitter.com/OtwvGciZDL
— YNW B.E (@Jaminonurblock) April 22, 2019
Nobody Could See Shit
It might have a budget of hundreds of millions, but Game Of Thrones still can’t find a motherfucking power socket in all of Westeros.
The entire third episode took place at night and like a crappy Instagram filter, it was SO DAMN HARD TO SEE ANYTHING. Where was the intern with the reflector? Where was the mate in post-production doing light correction? Where was the God damn contrast?
— Matthew A. Cherry 🏁 (@MatthewACherry) April 29, 2019
Thank fuck Daenerys decided to jump into the fight early and light some things on fire, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to see the longest battle ever recorded (it took longer to film than Lord Of The Ring’s Battle for Helm’s Deep, which held the previous record).
The Lord Of Light might be a key figure in the series, but fucking no one in the production believes in them.
Lets light a candle for the fallen, but also … light a candle so we can actually see some shit, as this was the literal darkest episode yet.
— Nora Dominick (@noradominick) April 29, 2019
Me trying to watch Brienne get knighted pic.twitter.com/WULXOhL0Tm
— Jenny Han (@jennyhan) April 22, 2019
alright everyone, turn out the lights and set the brightness on the TV all the way up…
— Riley McAtee (@RileyMcAtee) April 29, 2019
The Red Woman Touched Some Rods
“Do you speak their tongue?” Melisandre asked, casually trotting out of the snow right before the Battle of Winterfell like we all knew she would because she told us as much. She has to “die in this strange country”.
So in she came, looking like Maid Marian if Maid Marian was into S&M and doing freaky things with leeches.
Ser Davos, however, is a missionary man and still had beef with Melisandre for that time her vagina shadow demon killed his boy.
As he rushed to tell her that, she cut him off: “There’s no need to execute me Ser Davos, I’ll be dead before the dawn.”
Like we said, she came to Winterfell to die. After touching some rods, that is. She touched them, she touched some swords, she set them aflame along with the battlements, it was lit.
Her best moment, surprisingly, came during a scene with the best character, Arya Stark.
When things looked mighty bleak after The Hound and her fled a horde of the undead inside Winterfell’s halls, it was Melisandre who asked “What do we say to the God of Death?”
The ultimate Westeros call and response, Arya responded “not today” like the bad bitch she is.
Special shout out to Ser Davos, who after watching thousands get murdered, reanimated, murdered again, he still stayed true to his word.
When they made it through the battle, he stalked after Melisandre with his sword when he realised she was alive.
She didn’t need him though, dropping her sick-ass chocker into the snow and walking off towards the sunrise, her façade falling away as she turned into the old woman, and then eventually, dust.
“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
It’s a famous Madeleine Albright quote and one Taylor Swift likes to use every time someone is mean to her, but it was also the embodiment of Missandei’s come thrrrrrrough moment of the episode.
As everything was collectively going to shit on the battlefield, showrunners gave the audience a moment to take a breather in the crypts as Sansa and Tyrion had a conversation about their shared history.
Tyrion: “Maybe we should have stayed married.”
Sansa: “You were the best of them.”
Tyrion: (grimaces) “What a terrifying thought.”
Sansa: “It wouldn’t work between us”
Tyrion: “Why not?”
Sansa: “The Dragon Queen. Your divided loyalties would become a problem.”
Missandei, who had been quietly observing this conversation, choose that moment to step into the ring with a slick slap down.
“Yes, without the Dragon Queen there would be no problem at all,” she said. “We’d all be dead already.”
With a pointed glare and a sashay away, she tells them without telling them ‘we’re all fighting for our lives and our loved ones are dying out there but sure, now is the time to bitch about Dany while hiding underground’.
That conflict between Sansa and Dany they’ve been building towards? The Long Night might be over, but that showdown is still coming.
Reign Of Fire: The Sequel
We knew this too was coming: it was inevitable.
Charmander, Charmeleon and Charizard had to fight.
Like all the great cinematic threesomes, it was two on one. After doing some notable flapping around for most of the episode, Dany on Drogon and Jon on Rhaegal had to battle the Night King on Viserion.
There were jaws snapping, orange fire flowing, and Listerine blue breath aflame as they all attempted to get the upper hand.
Who won Ultimate Dragon Fight 2019? Viserion up until the final frames, as Rhaegal took some serious hits and Drogon got shanked a bunch by ice zombies.
Can a three-way loss be a thing? Because that’s about as close as we got to a definitive resolution in the Pokémon evolution.
WE FUCKING TOLD YA ABOUT THE CRYPTS! WE FUCKING TOLD YA!
“Meeeeh, the crypts are so safe!” they said. “The safiest safe to ever safe!”
It was repeated over and over and over again, which is how fans correctly guessed last week that the crypts were actually, well, fucked. Cos you know what the crypts have a lot of? DEATH BODIES JUST WAITING TO BE REANIMATED.
And reanimated they were, since that’s the Night King’s whole thing.
The entire Winterfell Crypt was brimming with tasty women and children and eunuch’s to nom on, which they did.
Animal Friends Missing In Action
Ghost: WHERE IS OUR FAVOURITE DIRE WOLF?!? We saw Ghost race into battle with the Dothraki, which, yeesh – doesn’t bode well. But then … nothing. Did Ghost make it?
Nymeria: Arya’s dire wolf wasn’t seen in the battle or in any episode of the season so far, but we know she’s alive thanks to a glimpse in season seven, episode two. Will she resurface before the march South?
Drogon: Dany’s dragon, named after her former boo Drogo, copped it big time, looking as if it died a death of a thousand cuts after the army of the dead climbed over his scales and begun hacking.
He shook as many off as he could and it looked as if he crashed to the ground … but was that fatal? All answers point to no, as there was a glimpse of what looks like Drogon — going from the black and red scale patterns — in the preview for episode four next week.
Status: MIA (but most likely alive)
Rhaegal: Took the brunt of the battle with Viserion and it looked as if Rhaegal ate some serious shit, purely based on the fact Jon was thrown from his back and took off after the Night King on foot.
You wouldn’t do that if you had the most handy weapon of all — a fire-breathing dragon — at your disposal, right? Yet we didn’t get a conclusive answer as to whether Rhaegal was dead.
Viserion: Lol byeeeeeeeeeeee bitch.
Status: Ice, ice, baby.
The internet is undefeated pic.twitter.com/vibqju7bCE
— The Fonz Awakens (@LordFonzz) April 24, 2019
Checking In With Our Favourite Game Of Thrones Fan: T-Pain
Our boy had a tough time of it this episode, which was bad for T-Pain’s blood pressure but great for us and all the gifts he gave us via Twitter. What a blessing.
— T-Pain (@TPAIN) April 29, 2019
— T-Pain (@TPAIN) April 29, 2019
Rest In Power: The Body Count
Like, the entire Dothraki. We didn’t even get to see properly how they died, they just ran into the dark to face the armies of the undead with their flaming swords and then … a few managed to scamper back.
Maybe five, max. In hindsight, Khal Drogo getting smothered was a relatively nice way to go.
We saw a bunch of Dothraki reanimated, so we know majority of them died and then became icicles. So RIP to those horse-riding warlords with no moral compass, it’s likely we won’t see their questionable hairlines for the rest of the season.
— Bratty Cupcakes (@Bratty_Cupcakes) April 29, 2019
Known around these parts as Eyepatch McGee, Berrick had his seventh — maybe eighth? — death this episode.
As blood dribbled down his beard and he died in front of Arya and The Hound, it’s clear he’s not coming back from this one.
RIP Beric, the first guy to rock a flaming sword before it was cool.
When Jon and Samwell and Dolorous Edd had their “it’s just the three of us left” moment in last week’s episode, it was clear he was about to get McBained.
The fact that he died protecting his fellow Night’s Watch brother Sam was poetic, even if the eyes-wide-as-you-cop-a-mortal-blow-from-behind is a battle scene cliché.
He died protecting Daenerys, which for a fella who has spent the duration of the series mouth-breathing in her general direction was pretty apt.
It was the only way he could die, honestly: sacrificing himself for the person he loves, but can never have.
Theon Greyjoy dying in a duel with the Night King is a better death than he deserved, truthfully, and it was total fan service.
In the episode one recap we talked about how showrunners were foreshadowing Theon’s impending death. Him sacrificing himself for one of the Stark’s completed his redemptive arc and — like Ser Jorah — it was truly the only way he could die.
Ashes to ashes, leeches to leeches ….
Lady Lyanna Mormont
An ice giant might have ground her bones to make his bread, but our tiny queen died as she lived: like a boss.
As T-Pain put it, she got “pimp slapped” by one of the few ice giants we actually saw as the enemy broke through the wall (we have to assume the rest of the giants in the undead ice cube army were ignited in one of Dany’s many fire sweeps of the battlefield).
It was hard to watch her get physically hurt, even harder once she screamed at her foe and fully ran at that motherfucker in a legit David Vs Goliath move.
As the giant crushed her in his grip, she launched a dragon glass dagger into his eye and through skull as her final act, saving heck knows how many others from the monster’s destructive power.
Who would have thought that Jaime, Brienne, Gendry, Sam, even Grey Worm would make it through this episode alive and the head of House Mormont wouldn’t.
“I’m not going to knit by the fire while men die for me,” Lyanna once said. And she didn’t.
The Night King
Rest in pieces, brah. Your gross, smug face will haunt us no more.
STICK ‘EM WITH THE POINTY END
Lyanna Mormont might have died, but Arya Stark continued the legacy of bad-ass ladies doing bad-ass shit while everyone else underestimates them.
The assumption going into season eight was that it would eventuate to either Dany or Jon Vs The Night King for that final showdown.
That fact that it was Arya — when all hope was lost, when things looked beyond grim for our heroes, when the allies had their backs against the wall — was unexpected.
It was a surprise.
Not that we didn’t believe Arya could do it: we’ve seen her wipe enemies off the face of the Earth single-handedly before.
The fact it was Arya and not Jon, not Dany, not Bran, not ANY of the prophesised ‘great ones’ was perhaps one of Game Of Thrones greatest bait and switches.
Not only did she get some in episode two, she GOT! SOME! in episode three. She came in at the last minute, our MVP, when only seconds were left on the clock, and saved EVERYONE.
Arya. Motherfucking. Stark. GOAT of her name.
Arya is the Patrick Mahomes: Built via a different game, created in a foreign land, ready to destroy everything in her path.
— Robert Mays (@robertmays) April 29, 2019
Arya Stark pic.twitter.com/Z7mtPkDZtf
— Buffering the Vampire Slayer (@bufferingcast) April 29, 2019
— Ya Girl (@PhancakeMe) April 29, 2019
So, Uh, What Next?
Arya taking out the Night King was epic bait and switch No.1. Epic bait and switch No.2 was the allies winning the Battle of Winterfell!
Most of us were expecting them to lose, to be forced to retreat to the Iron Islands where Yara Greyjoy waited, and regroup for another battle three episodes later. Instead they won the supernatural battle, which leaves just the human battle for the Iron Throne.
Action moves to King’s Landing next week where Cersei’s terrible wig awaits.
The supernatural elements have always been the icing, with political intrigue and back-stabbing Game Of Thrones’ most tasty cake.
With three more movie length episodes remaining, prepare for a lot of cake.
Clegane Vs Clegane is coming. King’s Landing Vs the survivors of the North is coming. Arya and Gendry are coming … probably more than once (*wink*).
As the lyrics of Jenny Of Oldstones foreshadowed, conflict between Jon and Dany is coming. The proper Tormund, Brienne, Jamie love triangle is coming. And if Sansa could still find time to whine about Dany during the undead Apocalypse, well, you know that tête-à-tête is coming as well.
The battle for Westeros has been won. The battle for the Iron Throne is just beginning.
Game of Thrones Season 8 is currently streaming on Foxtel Now.
Maria Lewis is a journalist, screenwriter and author of The Witch Who Courted Death, It Came From The Deep and the Who’s Afraid? novel series, available worldwide.