TV

Over 600,000 Of The Worst People In The World Have Signed A Petition To Remake ‘Game Of Thrones’

Literally just watch another TV show.

by Patrick Lenton  17 May 2019
Daenerys Targaryen of Game of Thrones has been memed

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As we get closer to the climactic, epic finale of Game of Thrones, the world’s most discussed show, people are absolutely shitting their pants at a higher rate than usual.

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For some unknowable reason, fans of Game of Thrones have gotten very confused about how to enjoy the show.

They’ve become insanely entitled about their make believe friends and all the wacky things they do. They seem to think that their fandom means they have some sort of god-given say in how a narrative works out?

Things really came to a stupid climax, like a volcano of pissbabies exploding and covering the atmosphere in a toxic cloud of whining, after the latest episode.

In the much debated penultimate episode of season 8, Daenerys Targaryen lost her shit and burned down Kings Landing. She snapped, but so did a bunch of fans, who seem unable to emotionally deal with this highly plotted and fairly predictable twist.

It was as if as if millions of idiots suddenly cried out in terror, and then suddenly pissed themselves. I fear something terrible has happened.

Of course, thanks to the internet, people having tantrums about television are no longer confined to their own mildew-slicked bedrooms. Now they can organise: such as with this Change.Org petition, the perpetual weapon of the tragically online.

“David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have proven themselves to be woefully incompetent writers when they have no source material (i.e. the books) to fall back on,” says the petition. “This series deserves a final season that makes sense.”

I mean, there’s nothing in this season that wouldn’t make sense in the books — but go off, I guess?

“Subvert my expectations and make it happen, HBO!”

I mean, it’s not going to happen, they’re not going to remake this multi-million dollar show. This is just another case of people screaming futilely into the sky, cursing an uncaring god.  It really seems a case of “stupid babies need the most attention”.

I guess you could just literally watch any other television show, if you care this much? Or you know, go live in a cave, think about your life choices.

Or write your own fantasy TV series, in which you will absolutely provide all the fulfilment for fans that you so desperately want! Brienne has swords for arms! Jaime actually wasn’t fucking his evil-hot sister at all, they were just wrestling, and his redemption arc is everybody finds out and forgives him for eight seasons of unrepentant incest! Daenarys and Jon have a fabulous wedding.The Night King can sing — and boy can he dance!

Whatever! Shut up!