Music

Surprise Surprise, Jail Has Made Fyre Festival Founder Very Sorry

Sorry for all them crimes fam!

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions” – Fyre Festival founder and current inmate Billy McFarland right now, probably.

The 26-year-old responsible for the greatest bin fire of a music festival ever witnessed by mankind has been chilling in his jail cell for a smidge, after being sentenced to six years for multiple counts of fraud, and wants you to know he feels super bad about it all.

A quick reminder of what he’s apologising for: offering a VIP luxe festival experience on a tropical island for shit loads of money. Delivering a music-less desolate strip of sand and one (1) white bread lettuce and cheese sandwich per person instead.

I still get tingles thinking back to all that schadenfreude TBH.

The former promoter has released a statement to People magazine from behind bars, opening up for the first time on how super dooper sorry he is for swindling the shit out of a whole mess of rich idiots.

“I am incredibly sorry for my collective actions and will right the wrongs I have delivered to my family, friends, partners, associates and, you, the general public,” it reads. “As a result, I’ve lived every day in prison with pain, and I will continue to do so until I am able to make up for some of this harm through work and actions that society finds respectable.”

Yep, that’s pretty much how prison works my dude! McFarland concludes his Sorry Fest with what does appear to be actual contrition:

“I’m devastated, but accepting, and I’ll use this opportunity to live my apology and become the family member, friend, business person and good citizen I should have been all along. I’d like to thank everyone who has supported me every step of the way. Your love keeps me focused. Your hope keeps me motivated. Earning your forgiveness will fuel the rest of my days.”

All lovely words that appear to be a convincing commitment to change, growth and learning. From a literal con-man.

Well Billy, thanks for the apols. We’ll see if you follow through with any of these spoken gestures when you’re out of the slammer in 2024. Bye!