It’s always a trip to have to tell people that I don’t drink. The reaction goes one of two ways,“Oh, wow! That’s so amazing. Wish that I could do that!” or, “… Why? Like why not? What happened? How do you manage to live?”

I have literally never tasted a drop of alcohol. And no, to everyone who also tries the “didn’t your parents give you a cheeky sip of VB when you were a baby?” question: didn’t happen.

There is no logical, concrete reason as to why I don’t. I’m just not interested in it. While other people who refrain from certain vices in life definitely make sure that you know it within the first 20 seconds (read: vegans), I don’t tend to bring up my teetotal status. And people are generally quite surprised, because I still go out and have absolutely lit nights.

So to those who are thinking of giving up the juice, here’s how you can do it and still have an absolute BANGER of a sesh.

Get Amongst The Mocktails

These will be your saving grace: a fruity ‘lil number that still comes in a fun glass and is a cool colour. You still feel involved AND it’s almost like a cleanse because most of them are 70 per cent frozen berries! Also, they are literally a fraction of the price, so it’s a win-win because you can still have a cute IG pic but it doesn’t cost you $35.

Shout-out to Crown Metropol and their Not-So Cosmo which has been making me look cooler than I actually am for years.

Don’t Constantly Talk About How You’re Not Drinking

See, the more you bang on about being a non-drinker, the more everyone else kind of hates you. If you just don’t mention it, and not make a big deal of being the sober martyr who is in the corner rolling their eyes and flinching every time someone sips their cider, you’ll realise that being around your pals with some good weather and tunes is what it’s all about. Don’t try to guilt or shame everyone around you.

Try To Disassociate Going Out With Drinking

If you’re really having a tough time separating from the ol’ Pimms (or whatever, I don’t know), try going out alone. Go to a gig or somewhere where you can be focused and solely concentrate on something else. Have a dance or go and watch comedy, and just be with your own thoughts for a while. It’ll help zone you out and give you something else to do, rather than solely associating going out with drinking.

Organise Stuff To Do Early In The Morning

Yeah, how lame does this sound? But it really will work: if you are trying really hard not to drink, try and organise all your important stuff to be done the next morning. Or do anything that will help you justify not having a coupla, like nominating yourself as the deso driver. Your mates will love not having to call an Uber, and you will love the fact that you remember everything from the night before: all the drunken pashes and attempts by your mates to get you to push them home in a Woolies trolley.

Yeah, it can be hard to be that guy who has to shake their head and say, “Nah, I don’t drink.” There will be gasps and questions and lots of people who can’t fathom your choice, but at the end of the day, you’re saving some coin… To go to Germany in October and get crunk! Kidding.

If you’re having a #sobersummer this 2018, hopefully these tips will help to get the ball rolling.

 “I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself” is Simone’s personal motto. She once took a tour of the Round The Twist lighthouse and proud owner of twin dogs.

(Lead image: New Girl/FOX)