I Can’t Stop Thinking About Trump Booking The ‘Four Seasons Total Landscaping’ Parking Lot
"Did this man’s entire presidency just end in a landscaping company’s parking lot?"
So, it only makes sense that Trump’s presidency ended in a Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot.
Yep, instead of booking the Four Seasons hotel, someone on Donnie’s team accidentally ended up securing a spot in the parking lot of a small gardening business with the same name — a truly beautiful end to an absolutely horrific four-year term.
And, as if the joke hadn’t already reached perfection, that Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot happened to be perched between a crematorium and a dildo store — sorry — an “adult book store”. Not even Saturday Night Live could write a sketch this perfect.
I could write jokes for 800 years and I'd never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium. pic.twitter.com/P45HV1daD9
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) November 8, 2020
Beyond the location being, well, a random landscaping shop, we know that the whole thing was a major fuck-up because Trump had actually tweeted, then deleted, a message about the press conference location.
Initially, Donald Trump noted that there would be a “Lawyer’s Press Conference at Four Seasons, Philadelphia. 11 AM” before quickly deleting the tweet. As a follow-up correction, Donnie shared that there was actually going to be a “big press conference” at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping at 11.30 AM, instead.
While no one on Trump’s team will actually own up to the mistake, it is pretty damn obvious that someone fucked up majorly. It’s one thing to book a landscaping business for a press conference as a means of supporting small business, but using a parking lot next to a dildo shop and a crematorium for a massive post-election presser is truly something else.
The Four Seasons hotel even had to clarify that they were no way associated with the press conference, after they received an influx of calls from confused and bewildered attendees. I mean, who wouldn’t be confused over a presidential conference happening in the parking lot of a business with a 3.3-star Google rating?
To clarify, President Trump’s press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia.
It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping— no relation with the hotel.
— Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia at Comcast Center (@FSPhiladelphia) November 7, 2020
The New York Times does report, however, that the booking was not a mistake and was merely a “misunderstanding” on Trump’s behalf. The landscaping business was allegedly chosen because it was in a “Republican-friendly” part of town, according to sources “familiar with the matter”.
PBS News Hour reporter, Daniel Bush, also further clarified that the business was contacted out of the blue on the day of the conference because their location was “secure” and “close to an exit on the I95”. Sure, Jan.
Instead of the Trump camp just admitting their mistake, they stuck to their story, and the world’s worst press conference still took place at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot. With Trump 2020 stickers stuck onto on a roller door and a lectern erected out of nowhere, Rudy Giuliani addressed the media to share that Trump would not be conceding and continued to peddle the idea of voter fraud. But no one cared.
Everyone only cared about the Four Seasons Total Landscaping fuck up — about Rudy Giuliani standing next to an adult store called Fantasy Island and the Delaware Valley Cremation Center, just to announce that Donald Trump refused to accept defeat.
As expected, Four Seasons Total Landscaping became a huge meme, with Twitter finding pure joy in Donald Trump’s “totally planned” and “not accidental” parking lot press conference:
I’m sorry I can’t let this go: the people who can’t find the right Four Seasons want you to believe they uncovered 40,000 fraudulent ballots in Philadelphia?
— Jeffrey Lieber (@JeffLieber) November 8, 2020
did this man’s entire presidency just end in a landscaping company’s parking lot pic.twitter.com/gRo6CzO4Fz
— shoe (@shoe0nhead) November 7, 2020
I want to know who it was at the Four Seasons Landscaping that
—answered the phone
—heard that the Trump campaign wanted to hold a press conference in his parking lot
—realized they had mistaken him for a hotel
—Looked at an invisible documentary camera
—said, “Absolutely.” pic.twitter.com/59kkvWfD4V
— Josiah Hawthorne (@JosiahHawthorne) November 7, 2020
In nine months a lot of baby girls are going to be named “Georgia” and “Four Seasons Total Landscaping.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) November 8, 2020
I work at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in PA pic.twitter.com/cX6bIMkag8
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) November 8, 2020
Some say the world will end in fire/
Others say at Four Seasons Total Landscaping north of the Tacony-Palmyra bridge, near the porn shop
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) November 8, 2020
“ARE YOU FROM FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING?” pic.twitter.com/ydS4cEZnSY
— J Farrers (@Jfarrers) November 7, 2020
BREAKING: Jason Derulo falls down stairs at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Philadelphia pic.twitter.com/dZCjAiKsjX
— bailey disler (@baytato) November 7, 2020
i’d just like a man who books us a nice long weekend at the four seasons total landscaping without me having to ask, you know?
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) November 8, 2020
You’re telling me they booked a landscaping company?!? Not the hotel?!? pic.twitter.com/oqKeQlRhP2
— Sean Butler (@Sean_Butler1) November 7, 2020
Millions of little girls across the country and around the world are waking up this morning with new hope of one day getting married at a Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
— Randy Rainbow (@RandyRainbow) November 8, 2020
This is not over. For we shall mount our righteous stand at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Next to Fantasy Island Adult Books. Across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. Between the fire extinguisher and yellow hose. #MAGA pic.twitter.com/hxuAsbEjXi
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 7, 2020
If you needed to laugh today this is the one…pic.twitter.com/LCE2BbJ41C
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) November 8, 2020
i ain’t never seen 2 Four Seasons hotels, always one of em gotta be a total landscaping company
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) November 8, 2020
Total Landscaping pic.twitter.com/eAIVoq0poB
— Laura K-A: "Lesbian haunted by a ghost" 🙃 (@Laura_K_A) November 8, 2020
The existence of Four Seasons Total Landscaping implies the existence of Four Seasons Partial Landscaping.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 8, 2020
He promised to run the country like he ran his business. It ended with Rudy Giuliani outside Four Season Total Landscaping next to a dildo shop, after a staffer mistakenly thought the empty parking lot was a Four Seasons hotel. pic.twitter.com/hOKcyWopqi
— Morten Øverbye (@morten) November 7, 2020
Philly's hottest club is Four Seasons Total Landscaping. They've got everything: a crematorium, a dildo store, Rudy Giuliani pic.twitter.com/rFvBlCJi8B
— Drivont (@Drivont) November 8, 2020
So next time you’re feeling down, just remember that at least you weren’t the fool who booked the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot next to a dildo shop and crematorium.
When you're feeling down, just remember:
"Four Seasons Total Landscaping"
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) November 8, 2020
yesterday's fucking clown show will never stop being funny to me. on my deathbed, I'm going to be giggling and mumbling "Four Seasons Total Landscaping"
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) November 8, 2020