If you’re a daily commuter, chances are you’re the total opposite of a baller. There’s a reason they call the bus the loser cruiser. It’s hard to emulate Kanye’s ego when you’re squished into the sides of the bus while a road-raging bus driver lets loose.

From prime people-watching opps to bus etiquette (yep, it’s a thing), anthropologists would have a wet dream over the strange social setting that the bus provides.

Napping Just Isn’t Possible

Welcome to Zombieland. Catching public transport will make you feel restless AF. The bus vibrations will ensure that you’ll never doze off peacefully.

And the most frustrating part? There will be no shortage of peaceful nappers on the bus, just casually sleeping, like the bus isn’t being shaken by some vicious earthquake.

When Prime People-Watching Opps Present Themselves

The bus is a people watcher’s dream. Because Sims isn’t a thing anymore, we have to fill the void somehow. The way to distract yourself from the emptiness that is your life (now that you can’t build walls around characters and use the ‘rosebud’ money cheat), is to make up stories about people’s lives in your head.

Couple on a first date?

Co-workers that are secretly having an affair?

Plumber stripper?

Let your imagination run wild, Bukowski.

Man-Spreaders Are The Actual Worst

You know those people that feel like they can take up all the space they damn well please because they’re so self-important? They can usually be identified as the same people who do not offer their seats for the elderly because they’re so busy talking on the phone and checking their thousand-dollar watch for the time.

And no matter how much thigh fighting you do to reclaim your half of the seat, they’ll stay stationary. Unfortunately, these people will make your commute hell while you preoccupy yourself deciding whether they’re just obnoxious or painfully unaware of their surroundings.

Teens Gone Wild

Depending on what time you’re heading to uni, you’ll probably encounter the dreaded ‘teen’ in the wild.

Often seen on the bus blaring Top 40 songs that were written two years ago, they seem to have no concept of earphones.

Or there’s the other breed: foul-mouthed teens sporting fanny packs that have terrible haircuts and are probably skipping school. They leave their rubbish on the bus, take selfies and travel in herds, much to our displeasure.

The Bus Driver Paradigm

Bus drivers are either saints or Satan, there is no in-between. Some will cruise up chill AF and have a chat with you, others will scream at you if you forget to signal or if they’re paranoid that you haven’t tapped your Opal/Myki/Go card.

At least bus drivers seem to have a cute alliance with each other going, where they always wave to each other as they pass by. That’s a pretty solid reason not to mess with a bus driver – they’ve got some hectic back up and a tight squad.

Steer clear of pissing off a bussie, they’ve got some sort of mafia going by the looks of things.

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Eden Gillespie is an International Studies/ Media student from UNSW with a love for breakfast bagels and Louis Theroux.

(Lead image: How I Met Your Mother/CBS)