“Women Are Dying.” Sadness, Urgency, And Hope In Honouring Victims Of Domestic Violence
It was an emotional scene at Martin Place, where the women's crisis centre Lou's Place organised an installation to honour the women who've lost their lives to domestic violence this year.
It’s a windy day in Sydney and 52 white balloons are pushing in the same direction in Martin Place. Each balloon is attached to an empty pair of shoes. They represent the 52 women who lose their lives to domestic violence every year — on average, one every week.
It’s a striking scene, appropriately evocative of the scourge currently devastating the country. The shoes, part of an installation organised on November 28 by the women’s crisis centre Lou’s Place, help us remember that there are real people involved in the horrific statistics. That one in four Australian women experience intimate partner or family violence from the age of 15. They remind us that the year isn’t over and 54 women have already been killed — over half allegedly by someone known to them. And things usually get worse in December.
“This event is about refocussing people’s attention on this crisis that continues to unfold day after day,” says award-winning journalist and author Jess Hill, whose book See What You Made Me Do was made into an SBS docuseries by Northern Pictures. “In speaking at an event like this, I hope to remind people that while we talk about one woman being killed a week, we’re also confronting an epidemic of coercive control that affects millions of Australians, women and children, non-binary people… What they’re subjected to is essentially a process of torture that goes largely unnoticed and is at a scale that’s difficult to comprehend.”
For the team at Lou’s Place, staging an installation in the middle of a heavily trafficked area like Martin Place is about raising awareness and starting a conversation.“We want to keep people talking in the hope that we can continue to change the way we view gender roles,” says Amanda Greaney, the General Manager of Lou’s Place. “We want to stop the violence. We think a lot of that has to do with those gender roles, which are about power and control.”
But, obviously, it’s not enough to talk about domestic violence. More services — and awareness of those services — are required. More stable, alternative housing. “If we had more of that,” Jess says, “we’d see access to independence and safety”.
“I want more funding,” Amanda says. “I want women to have more options for places to go. On a regular basis, I’ve had to say to women, ‘We can’t get you a bed’. That’s a tough conversation to have. And women have to stay in the violence because there’s nowhere to go.”
But when it comes to domestic violence, Amanda knows that tough conversations are necessary. “Twenty-three years ago, we didn’t talk about it,” she says. “It stayed hidden. Now we’re talking about it. Those conversations are uncomfortable, but let’s have them. This is important. Women are dying.”
“What’s important about today is to keep talking about it, to spread more awareness,” adds Shazya Singh, DFV Case Manager and Group Facilitator at Lou’s Place. “The power is in keeping that conversation going and talking about it openly.”
And that is exactly what the staff of Lou’s Place were doing. In the leadup to the speeches, they spoke to various people walking by, understandably curious about the stark, emotional display lying in the foreground of the grand Christmas tree. People who shared their own experiences with domestic violence.
“Sadly,” Amanda says, “a lot of the individuals have been saying that their daughters are experiencing [domestic violence] and they don’t know what to do.”
“I am amazed by how many people have been directly affected by family violence,” Jess says, adding that after her talks (she speaks at hundreds of events in a year), people reveal a new understanding they’ve achieved. “[They] say ‘I just realised that what I grew up with was coercive control’ or ‘I was in a coercive control relationship’. Once we really understand what coercive control is, how it’s about isolation, domination, subjugation, degradation… in NSW, 99% of cases lead to homicide. When people stop thinking of it as physical acts of violence and they start seeing those behaviours as coercive control, it can be a profound awakening for people.”
When Katharina Arms, a 21-year-old from Sydney, went to exchange a pair of earrings she’d received for her birthday, she instead decided to return the jewellery and give the money to Lou’s Place. She’s moved by the installation. “Having the shoes is very symbolic and goes a long way to make a touching impression on people walking by,” she says, adding that her generation, just like everyone else’s, needs a better understanding and awareness of domestic violence. “Young people should know more about it and be aware of signs and how to look out for their friends.”
Jess Hill speaking in the rain at the Lou’s Place vigil in Martin Place.
By the time the speeches begin, a crowd has gathered around the installation. The people stand quietly as Amanda speaks passionately about how, in her admittedly conservative estimation, 80% of the women who access Lou’s Place have experienced domestic violence or sexual assault.
They listen to Jess Hill honour the women who’ve lost their lives, decrying their murderers, men who felt “entitled to annihilate them”. She describes the psychological torture of coercive control, specific cases of women dying tragically, sometimes in their homes, sometimes in the presence of their children. “We will not stop until this violence ends,” she says. “It will take all of us working together to end it.”
By the time country singer Amber Lawrence performs ‘This Is Me’ with the Sydney Philharmonia Choirs, there’s a feeling of hope. A portion of the crowd gathers in front of her, dancing and singing along, as if in celebration of what we might achieve, the difference we might make collectively.
“This is not a woman’s issue,” Shazya says. “It’s a societal issue.”
For more information on Lou’s Place, go here.
Nick Bhasin is the Managing Editor of Junkee. His debut novel, I Look Forward to Hearing from You, published by Penguin Random House Australia, is out now. Follow him on Instagram or Twitter (he’s not calling it X).
Main image credit: Amanda Lawson
Editor’s note: Junkee Media and Northern Pictures are both subsidiaries of RACAT Group.
If this article has brought something up for you, or a loved one, please call:
1800 FULL STOP (1800 385 578)
1800 Respect National Helpline: 1800 737 732
Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120
Women’s Crisis Line: 1800 811 811
Lifeline (24-hour Crisis line): 131 114
Mensline: 1300 789 978
13YARN: 13 92 76, to speak with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter