I Am Haunted By The Time Ed Sheeran Was On ‘Game Of Thrones’
'Game Of Thrones' season 8 just gave us closure on their weirdest ever cameo.
Remember when ubiquitous pop singer Ed Sheeran did a cameo on Game of Thrones? I do. I think about it constantly.
Sometimes in the middle of a normal conversation, perhaps about Apricot Mini-Wheats, or a large dog that looked at me one time, I’ll suddenly falter mid-sentence, struck again at the fact that we live in a world where Ed Sheeran played a Lannister soldier on Game of Thrones season 7 — for no good reason.
And then he sang on it.
For no good reason.
Any time Ed Sheeran comes up naturally in conversation — perhaps to discuss a hot new single (???) or a piece of celebrity gossip, or that time he cosplayed an awkward 13-year-old boy when he performed with Beyonce — I sit on the edge of my seat, all hungry eyed and salivating, ready and hoping to talk about his episode of Game of Thrones.
All I want to do is talk about it, to replay its beats over and over, to deep dive into the Sheeran abyss.
— Sky Atlantic (@skyatlantic) July 17, 2017
LMAOOOOO WHY IS THAT HOBBIT ED SHEERAN ON GAME OF THRONES? pic.twitter.com/zVw99lJoyt
— A$AP MAMI (@yunggyaI) April 10, 2019
Hands Of Gold Is A Banger? A Bop? A Snub Or A Flub?
Let’s watch it again!
This scene is another stark reminder that the Game of Thrones is played by kings and queens and rulers, but it’s the common folk who do the majority of the killing and the dying. It’s meant to put a human face on the struggle, and to let Arya — a creature defined by vendetta — realise that Lannister soldiers aren’t inherently evil.
Ed Sheeran does, I guess, have something approximating a human’s face. Nominally. But it is also incontrovertibly the face of Ed Sheeran.
Why does it feel so strange and uncomfortable to see him in this episode, like when your boss’s son comes in and does work experience? Why, in a show full of dragons and sexy fire witches and normalised incest, did the presence of Ed Sheeran make me finally realise this was all so fake and absurd?
Why do I still not know the name of a single Ed Sheeran song, but I see his face every night in my dreams?
Luckily, it seems like I’m not the only one who constantly thinks about this.
Still insane that they pulled this straight up Gilligan’s Island move. pic.twitter.com/e9zBrpBLTj
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) April 15, 2019
I’m still mad about Arya running into Ed Sheeran in the goddamn woods
— Jenna Amatulli (@ohheyjenna) April 15, 2019
Remember when the most controversial thing game of thrones did was give Ed sheeran that random cameo
— megan! (@meganmfulton) April 15, 2019
ed sheeran giving a private concert to lannister soldiers and then just sitting there speechless staring at the ground might still be one of the funniest things about season 7 of game of thrones to me
— ellie (@odairannies) April 8, 2019
Whomst Is Ed Sheeran?
If you don’t remember, Ed Sheeran is a famous British singer, who was apparently a huge fan of Game of Thrones. I mean, so is everybody, but whatever.
Maisie Williams who plays Arya Stark was also a huge fan of him. Therefore… he popped in and sang a song in the show. It was odd.
I maintain that I have never heard an Ed Sheeran song, but I can only imagine that he sings about adorably small sailing boats, or drinking tomato juice from a mug with your lesbian aunt. I firmly believe that J.K. Rowling has canonically placed him somewhere within the Weasley family, perhaps as a distant cousin who once enchanted a saucepan to be sexy.
For a very serious, epic, dramatic fantasy show about murder and sex and death and dragons, having a famous goofball celebrity appear out of nowhere just seemed odd.
In fact, the episode in question was the premiere of season 7, and also featured a weirdly extended poop montage with Samwell Tarly, which Ed Sheeran managed to overshadow.
People were not impressed.
Ed Sheeran appearing on game of thrones but not being brutally disemboweled was very disappointing
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 17, 2017
Ed Sheeran on #got is like when the Harlem Globetrotters were on Scooby Doo. It's like what're we doing here?
— Ken Garr (@kengarrwastaken) July 17, 2017
— Samar (@SalimAlSamar) July 17, 2017
— Rebecca (@nota_regularmom) July 17, 2017
Sheeran actually found out about how much this whole thing was disliked, telling BuzzFeed in an interview last year:
“I know what Game of Thrones fans hoped happened to my character. I’m sure they think my character got brutally, brutally murdered, but I think my character is still out there. I think he’s chillin’. It was fun being in Game of Thrones, but I definitely think they should’ve killed me off in the episode. I reckon that probably would’ve been the redemption for people that didn’t like it.”
Got to the episode of Game of Thrones where Ed Sheeran randomly shows up and sings a little ditty pic.twitter.com/askcseBAM1
— Audrey Fox (@audonamission) April 7, 2019
Ed Sheeran’s Melted Face Is The Last Thing I See Before I Sleep
Except, now we know what canonically happened to Ed Sheeran’s hapless idiot in Game Of Thrones. Probably. And it is not chill.
**SPOILER FOR GAME OF THRONES SEASON 8**
A little Easter Egg popped up in a conversation during the episode — we now know that Ed Sheeran’s character got extremely hurt later on in season 7, when Daenarys attacked the Lannister convoy with her dragons.
In Bronn’s gratuitous orgy scene, his buxom sex partners continue a rather amusing dialogue while they casually bone him.
“That boy Eddie.”
“That’s him. Came back with his face burned right off. He’s got no eyelids now.”
“How do you sleep with no eyelids?”
So, we can be RELATIVELY sure he’s either dead or horribly melted. Hooray!
Spoiler for #GameofThrones
Everyone's talking about Bran having a staring contest with Jaime, while I'm haunted by the revelation that @edsheeran no longer has eyelids because his face was melted off by dragonfire.
— Steven Hugh Nelson (@SteveHughNelson) April 15, 2019
The fact that Game of Thrones took the time to wrap up the fate of their stupidest character honestly means the world to me. The fact that he is horribly melted now haunts me, but also secretly pleases me — like when your good friends give birth to an unspeakably ugly baby.
It’s like a perfect confluence of events — I don’t think there could be any other celebrity who could quite create this uncanny valley casting effect — in fact we know there’s not, because there’s been cameos from people as diverse as YouTube Comedian Steve Love (???), metal band Mastodon, Icelandic glacier elves Sigur Rós, and Coldplay drummer Will Champion.
None of them felt like a rip in time and space, like a Doctor Who side-plot. None of them filled me with despair but also, absurdly, joy.
Only Ed Sheeran could do that.
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Patrick Lenton is the Entertainment Editor at Junkee. He doesn’t think he’s too cool for Ed Sheeran, just way too queer.