Diane Keaton Was Drunk On Ellen

"Do you know what tantric sex is, The Audience?"

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There is nothing not good about Diane Keaton dressed in a light pink leisure suit, drinking all of the wine, and having a laughing fit through an entire Ellen interview.

Keaton was on the show to promote her forthcoming film, The Big Wedding. Instead she was mostly promoting sangria.

Here are some of our favourite quotes — but they don’t work nearly as well without the snorts of laughter, Ellen’s I-Can’t-Believe-How-Lucky-I-Am face, and all of the drinking.

On Tantric Sex:

“When you have tantric sex you go for a long time and you have that thing called the orgasm. FOR NINE HOURS. That’s ridiculous. It drives me crazy when I think about it. I’m glad the movie’s over. I can’t take it. I really mean it. It’s too weird.”

On Virgins:

“I have a son in the movie who’s a 29-year-old virgin. Now where’s that coming from? I don’t know a man who’s 29 who’s a virgin.”

On Kissing Robert De Niro:

“I love kissing him. You know that I, I enjoy the kissing of the men … I kissed him. And I put my head. On his chest. While his chest did not have clothes on.”

On Needing To Go Home:

“I’ve got to calm down. The wine does not help me Ellen. I mean I think I’ve got to go.”

On Needing To Go Home Again:

Diane: I’m in trouble. I’ve gotto go home now.

Ellen: [Deadpan] No. You’re staying.

On Getting Married:

Ellen: I didn’t know that you wanted to get married. I thought –

Diane: Oh yeah, oh. Very bad. What happened was nobody ever asked me.

Ellen: Well somebody will now!

Diane: No, I don’t think so. Not after this show.

On Ruining Her Life…

“I think I’ve ruined my whole life right now. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Clearly.”

…But Having No Regrets:

“This is the best show I’ve ever been on in my life.”