Everyone’s Kids Keep Trying To Marry Them In ‘Crusader Kings 3’
This game does not mess around.
Crusader Kings 3 is a dense and complicated game that challenges players with the task of ruling a nation. But that’s not the impression you’d get of the game if you scrolled Twitter. If you scrolled Twitter, you’d probably think it was an incest simulator.
This is because one of the mechanics in Crusader Kings 3 involves marriage. Weddings solidify your power in all sorts of important ways, helping you form allegiances and expand your interests in new territories. You can propose to whomsoever you like. But on the flipside, people are also constantly proposing to you. Including… your children.
Yep, it’s astonishingly common to get partway through a playthrough of the game and then have your kids suddenly decide to propose to you. Worse still, it can sometimes be quite hard to say no. If you do, then you can fracture your power dynamics, and make yourself vulnerable to enemy attacks.
But if you say yes, that also sucks. Ever player as a “sanity” meter, and marrying someone you are related to depletes that.
Basically, the whole thing is a mess. Which might explain why it’s suddenly become one of the biggest memes on Twitter.
PornHub 🤝 Crusader Kings 3
celebrating cuckolds and incest
— Marxist-Bidenist🌹😎🧭 (@man_ditch) September 4, 2020
An hour into playing Crusader Kings III, I accidentally tried to seduce my son's wife because I thought she was MY wife, and then I accidentally murdered him. So it's going well!
— molly carroll (@mollygos) September 2, 2020
incest in crusader kings 3: *exist
the goddamn internet: pic.twitter.com/tvXU3ZQfAj
— nov?̵͓̩͒̀ͅ_̸͉̝̰̇̿ (@_N0VANT0) September 3, 2020
Crusader Kings 3 is wild bruh, my leader died in a war and left his wife a widow and then i married the next heir, my son, to my dead dad's widow LMAOOOO
— Aaron (@theama35) September 5, 2020
Crusader Kings 3: My bastard son is an imbecile, but I am unlikely to produce another due to, er, preferring men. My chief religious official is an outspoken atheist. My chancellor hates my guts. I'm not sure my spymaster is MY spymaster. But I *am* a genius with money. LET'S GO.
— Custard Smingleigh (@Smingleigh) September 4, 2020
Aside from all the incest, the game is also inspiring content thanks to its complicated but fun marriage element.
i haven’t played crusader kings before tonight and i have learned some valuable things. for example, just because you’re married with 3 kids doesn’t mean your wife actually likes you. anyway this is how i began a seduction plot against my own wife 13 years into our marriage
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis) September 3, 2020
i've like been marring off my extra sons through like the maternal marriage thing in crusader kings and like i like married one off to the queen of england like 3 generations ago and i guess somehow i inherited a slice of england now ???
— ripley 😈 (@fishrecruitment) August 29, 2020
I've been playing Crusader Kings 3 for about an hour and I'm currently contemplating whether I should expose my son as a witch so I have an excuse to execute him
— Deep Sense of Creeping Dread 2020 (@Deve_Dy) September 1, 2020
Today in Crusader Kings 3, I murdered a man with a poisonous spider to widow his wife and end the marriage-based military alliance that had been blocking my endless, bloodthirsty pursuit of ultimate power over a united Ireland.
The game is good.
— Ian Birnbaum (@ianbirnbaum) September 2, 2020
i got crusader kings 3 with the hope of eventually helping Matt conquer the Byzantines as the Republic of Venice on stream and so far my review is: lot of combat and insanely complicated mechanics getting in the way of this marriage simulator
— bad posts for bad people (@saywhatagain) September 3, 2020
Basically, the game has already revealed itself to be the high bar for insane, extremely involved strategy titles. Long live the Crusader Kings franchise, I say.
Interestingly, the game is actually currently quite hard to purchase in Australia. As excellent reporting by Kotaku has indicated, it looks like a stuff-up with the classification board has held up its wide release. But you can still nab it through Microsoft.