Were Cornflakes Actually Invented To Stop Masturbation? An Investigation

While cereal is great food for breakfast, lunch or dinner, it’s pretty much universally agreed upon that Cornflakes fucking suck.

No one ever picks Cornflakes when they have the choice. They’re bland, boring and flavourless. Cornflakes literally don’t have anything fun about them like those little marshmallows, a minuscule amount of chocolate, or the sad addition of dried fruits.

So really it’s no surprise that they were crafted by a man, who was a Seventh-day Adventist and was allegedly against every idea of fun. But before I tell you why Cornflakes were invented, you must know why everyone suddenly cares.

Over the last week, “Googling why Cornflakes were invented” and recording your reaction before and after getting the answer has become a trend on TikTok. These dramatic reactions caught on camera have since caused a spike in searches for “cornflakes” and for good, horny reason.

Why Were Cornflakes Invented?

According to Dan Snow, a popular British historian, John Harvey Kellogg invented Cornflakes in the 1800s to “stop people masturbating”.

As a doctor and devout Christian, Kellogg was against masturbation and wrote a book that literally said that the act of pleasuring yourself is a “heinous sin”, “self-pollution” and “the most dangerous of all sexual abuses”. In fact, Kellogg was against sexual activity of all kind and didn’t even consummate his own marriage.

John Harvey Kellogg was born today in 1852. He invented Cornflakes in 1878 in the hope that plain food would stop people masturbating.

— Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) February 26, 2018

In his book titled Plain Facts for Old and Young: Embracing the Natural History and Hygiene of Organic Life, Kellogg named a number of reasons for the “habit” of masturbation, which included bonkers factors like “sedentary employment” and “exciting and irritating food”.

Kellogg believed that “the most simple, pure and unstimulating diet” could prevent one’s urges to masturbate. The Cornflakes creator literally suggested that his readers don’t overeat, only consume two meals a day, and avoid all “stimulating food and drinks” like coffee, wine, spices and condiments in order to weaken the desire to rub one out.

Then in1894, seventeen years after publishing his book that spoke of the sin of masturbation, John Harvey Kellogg created Cornflakes and marketed it as the “most nutritious and healthful of all cereals” and used it as a way to treat hospital patients suffering from indigestion. But as a firm believer that seasoning and flavour of any kind would encourage masturbation, it’s no surprise that the religious doctor managed to produce the most boring cereal in the history of the world.

Despite it being pretty clear that Cornflakes tied into Kellogg’s idea that bland food was one of the best ways to avoid acts of self-pleasure, sites reporting that the cereal was marketed as a “healthy, ready-to-eat, anti-masturbatory morning meal” are incorrect. As Snopes details, marketing material for Cornflakes from the 19th century doesn’t directly reference the breakfast food being used to “prevent masturbation” at all, but instead focuses on the health aspect of the toasted corn cereal.

So while John Harvey Kellogg didn’t directly invent Cornflakes to “stop masturbation”, in a roundabout way he did by encouraging the masses consume the blandest cereal to ever exist. Plus he was really racist and into eugenics, so it sounds like it’s time to boycott Cornflakes and side with the slutty cereals instead.

Today I learnt that cornflakes were invented to stop people masturbating. They were made to be so bland they would fight off any potential desire. No wonder I like Frosties so much, the sexy little slut flakes.

— Julie (@noprobsju) October 1, 2020

Masturbation forever!