Chvrches’ Lauren Mayberry Pens Essay About An Abusive Ex-Boyfriend For Lena Dunham’s ‘Lenny’

Content note: this post discusses relationship violence.

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Chvrches lead singer Lauren Mayberry has been calling out online and real-life misogyny for several years now, both in print and at Chvrches concerts. In a forthcoming essay for Lena Dunham’s online newsletter Lenny Letter, Mayberry recounts being in an abusive relationship with a former boyfriend and her own process of realisation to that effect.

It’s the latest in a series of pretty impressive editorial coups for Lenny Letter; the first issue featured a sit-down interview with Democratic Presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton, while Jennifer Lawrence penned a Lenny essay lambasting the gender pay gap a few weeks ago.

Mayberry’s full essay goes live tomorrow, but here’s an extract, courtesy of Stereogum:

“We were arguing, again. Like most times it happened, I wasn’t quite sure why he was so upset. I had tried to placate him; I had tried to reason; I had tried to apologize, but nothing seemed to be having any impact other than making the situation worse. Then he backed me against a wall and slammed his hand repeatedly on the surface above my head. When I broke down in shock, he said, ‘Oh, don’t act like I hit you’. That moment was the final wake-up call I shouldn’t have needed.

“Things like this had happened before but to a lesser extent. He would pull me by my arms and wrists when he was frustrated and thought I wasn’t listening (and then say he was sorry). He would slam doors on me (and then apologize). He once grabbed at the steering wheel of my car when I was driving so we could pull over to “talk,” then shouted and beat his fists repeatedly on the dashboard when I didn’t stop the vehicle.

“At the time, it felt like things changed slowly, like I woke up one day in a relationship and a reality that I did not recognize, but I’m sure the signs were there the whole time. When we met, he seemed charming. He was smart, passionate, creative, and caring. But after the first few months, he became increasingly paranoid, insecure, jealous, and depressed. Everything became my fault. I was careless. I was stupid. I was selfish. I was not trustworthy. I was a weak person who would fail at anything she tried so I shouldn’t bother. He hated me, but then he loved me and I was the best person in the world — until I wasn’t anymore.”

If you want first look at the full thing, you can subscribe to Lenny Letter here.

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If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.

Men can access anonymous confidential telephone counselling to help to stop using violent and controlling behaviour through the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491.

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Feature image via Chvrches/Instagram.