Culture

Chet Hanks Is Getting Rightfully Roasted For Trying To Declare That It’s “White Boy Summer”

"You will never convince me that Chet Hanks is anything but an elaborate prank designed by Hollywood execs to test the limits of Tom Hanks' marketability."

by Michelle Rennex  31 March 2021
chet hanks white boy summer

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Just when we were confident that the pandemic was starting to die down thanks to vaccines rolling out, Chet Hanks has returned to remind us that he and his terrible Patois aren’t going anywhere any time soon — which is the real pandemic we need to worry about now.

Chet Hanks, who is the very bad son of actors Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, is no stranger to getting dragged on the internet.

After breaking out onto the scene at the 2020 Golden Globes where he attempted to speak Patois on the red carpet, Chet Hanks was roasted for his attempts at justifying the use of the English-based creole language.

His reasoning? Well, apparently snowboarding and Motocross is “white culture” so if a “Rastafarian with dreadlocks who grew up in Jamaica” decided to take up the sport that would be cultural appropriation by the same logic. Basically, Chet Hanks thought that if Jamaicans can snowboard, then why can’t white people speak Patois and have dreads?

But if that hasn’t convinced you of just how cursed and broken Chet Hanks is, then take this plane photo he shared to his Instagram stories the other day as further proof:

What The Hell Is ‘White Boy Summer’?

In a very surprising turn of events, Chet Hanks has actually managed to move on from defending his use of Patois and has instead decided on a take that’s possibly even worse: Declaring that this summer is going to be a “White Boy Summer”.

Following in Megan Thee Stallion’s ‘Hot Girl Summer’ footsteps and in a similar vein to Christian Girl Autumn, Chet Hanks took to Instagram on Friday to “tap in really quick” to announce that he “just got this feeling, man, that this summer… it’s about to be a White Boy Summer”.

Filming himself in his car, Chet clarified that he didn’t mean a “Trump… NASCAR-type white” but more of a “me, Jon B, Jack Harlow-type White Boy Summer”.

“You know what I mean? Let me know if you guys can vibe with that and get ready, you know? ‘Cause I am,” the very bad Hanks son continued before asking his followers to “respectfully” “tag a REAL vanilla king” in his comment section.

As expected, Chet Hanks’ prediction of a no context White Boy Summer was not met with cheers and excitement, but rather with confusion, concern and memes.

The Unofficial “Rules And Regs”

After rightfully being made fun of, Chet Hanks decided to share a follow-up video on his Instagram story with the “rules and regs” for White Boy Summer. And no, these initial rules were not things like don’t be racist, respect women, keep it fun and consensual, or any actual important guidelines white men should follow.

Instead, Chet outlawed plaid shirts, boat shoes, and any clothes in the colour salmon, which is admittedly actually some pretty sound advice for white boys.

“Rule number one — to all my white boys out there — no plaid shirts. OK? You can’t be looking like a picnic table out here, boys,” Chet Hanks started. “Rule number two: No Sperry Top-Siders. That’s NOT the kind of white boys we’re talking about, dog. OK? Get yourself some Vans… some Jordans. I’m not really a sneaker-head, but, you know, feel it out.”

“No calling girls ‘smoke shows, that term is played out, dude,” he continued. “Oh yeah, and anything salmon-coloured wardrobe? Burn it. Burn that shit. Don’t ever wear that again.”

“Bottom line here gentleman is it’s time for us to evolve. Period. It’s time for us to grow up from a Pickachu to a Raichu, you dig? Church.”

Adding further amendments to the White Boy Summer rulebook, Chet Hanks went on to clarify that backward hats are most definitely allowed, but that dad hats are banned unless the white boy has “a clean fade” to go along with it.

But beyond the Hat Chat, Chet did set out some important ground rules, like banning white boys from getting into other people’s personal space when drunk and the mantra of “nothing but good vibes towards everybody”.

“It is not White Boy Summer to get all drunk and sweaty and sunburn on your face, booze breath, and going up to people you barely fucking know and getting all in their personal space,” Chet said in yet another Instagram story. “Doesn’t matter if it’s a dude you now think is your best friend or a girl that you’re trying to hit on. We gotta stop that shit, guys. We gotta do better.”

“You know what’s not White Boy Summer? Is having any ill will or prejudice towards anybody from a different background, race, walk of life, then you. Having any ill will whatsoever towards anybody that’s different from you. That’s not White Boy Summer, dude,” Chet said in follow-up story setting out the more serious rules.

“The real vibes is just having nothing but good vibes towards everybody. That means everybody,” he continued. “Keep that shit player, dude. Stay suck-a-duckin and dummy-dodging at all times.”

As Chet Hanks dropped more of these rules and regulations, it started to become apparent that White Boy Summer was actually quite a wholesome affair. And somehow, even though Chet Hanks had originally co-opted a movement created by a Black woman to make even more space for white men, people began to support his White Boy Summer plans with Chet even deciding to release (some questionable) merch.

However, the movement is still being run by Chet Hanks. So the confusion over how someone like Tom Hanks was ever able to create such a cursed son will always exist — especially when Chet Hanks is constantly doing wild shit, like this entire White Boy Summer thing.

I guess Chet Hanks is just the price we had to pay for Tom Hanks to be, well, Tom Hanks.