Carly Rae Jepsen Is Holding Out On Us And This Game Won’t Let It Stand

Carly Rae Jepsen

Want more Junkee in your life? Sign up to our newsletter, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook so you always know where to find us.

Late last month, we learnt that HRH Carly Rae Jepsen, Canadian monarch, musical enchantress, and harbinger of Certified Bops, has a vault of 200 unreleased songs. Jepsen acolytes cried out in desperate need. Now, a new tabletop game lets you steal them.

Designed to be played in one sitting, Boy Problems is set “many years” in the future. You and your friends are a team of highly-trained specialists, hired by an anonymous benefactor to steal the coveted Jepsen files.

Reasons your backer is after the songs vary, from wanting to release them for free to the public, to needing more vocal samples for their Carly Rae clone, to wanting to summon an ancient god (possibly Carly Rae?). There are many variations on the scenario, including ones in which your employer turns to be Carly Rae Jepsen herself, preserved as an artificial intelligence.

To keep players on their toes, Boy Problems also has an element of subterfuge. Each specialist will have secret loyalties to either their employer, their target, or even a third party.

The game is free to print out and play. And, of course, players are instructed to “work in as many CRJ references as you can”.

Writer, designer and visionary Colin Cummings first tweeted about his Jepsen-themed game idea on March 1. “I’ve been looking for some fun off-beat tabletop campaign ideas and now I have a good one-shot heist idea,” he wrote on Twitter, referencing Jepsen’s magical mystery vault.

Two days later, Cummings unveiled Boy Problems: “A Carly Rae Jepsen-themed heist tabletop RPG one-shot.” Cummings adapted the rules for his game from Lasers & Feelings by John Harper, another tabletop role-playing game. Lasers & Feelings is itself based on the nerd-folk discography of The Doubleclicks.

Unfortunately, the 200 hymns of Carly Ray Jepsen that Boy Problems is based upon remain inaccessible to our plebeian ears. Hopefully, one day, we will be deemed worthy and finally ascend.

“Special thanks to Carly Rae Jepsen for all the bops,” wrote Cummings. “Please release more songs [so] we don’t have to do a future heist for them.”