Politics

Lockdown Is Making Victorians Incredibly Horny For Their Chief Health Officer, Brett Sutton

"YES DISHEVELLED DADDY TELL US MORE ABOUT EPIDEMIOLOGY"

by Rachael Conaghan  10 August 2020
Brett Sutton Tiktoks

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With another five weeks of strict lockdown stretching out in front of Victorians, the concept of time is becoming increasingly inconsequential.

But if you are looking for something to set your clock to, you can pretty much rely on the daily press conference where we gather around for the latest dose of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news updates.

These daily briefings from Premier Daniel Andrews have become part of the new normal — in between the state-sanctioned grocery expeditions and general monotony — but as overwhelming as the steady drip of information can seem at times, there’s one thing keeping people from completely tuning out.

To put it extremely bluntly, there are a lot of people out there who are extremely thirsty for Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton.

Before becoming Victoria’s Chief Health Officer Professor Sutton spent a decade working in emergency departments and did stints overseas in places like Afghanistan, Ethiopia, Kenya and Timor-Leste. During lockdown his calming presence has been reassuring for many, and his health updates throughout the pandemic have seen him more or less become the face of Victoria’s COVID-19 battle.

But expertise aside — he’s also a bit of a silver fox. Or, to quote the name of his most popular Facebook fan page, ‘Brett Sutton Is HOT‘.

There are almost 8,500 so-called “Suttonettes” that are part of aforementioned group, and they’re spending their lockdown spamming each other with all manner of horny Sutton content. Like memes? There are plenty. Got some fan art to share? This is the place for you. Looking for a pillow with his face on it, or t-shirt that says, “I’m enjoying lockdown a lot more all of a Sutton”? You’ll be right at home.

And in much the same way that TikTok made the ABC’s Andrew Probyn a star, it’s made Sutton a sex symbol.





With the current state of things (*gestures wildly at everything*) people are looking for serotonin boosts wherever they can, so we won’t begrudge the loving TikToks, the Facebook fanpage or the horny Twitter fanfic.

And no, I’m not kidding about the last one — there is an anonymous Twitter account floating around known as 120 Days of Sutton, which can only be described as 50 Shades of Grey but in extremely NSFW 280-character bites.

Why Is Everyone Obsessed With #SexySutton?

Online Victoria’s CHO is quickly becoming known by a variety of other names — the ones I can repeat include “CHOttie”, “hot & disheveled Chief Swoon Officer” and even”our foxy light in the darkness”.

Over the last few months Prof Sutton has become such a popular figure that when he took a few days off last week the internet had a collective meltdown over rumours that he had resigned.

But it’s not just about his “beautiful sultry soothing tones”, as one fan described, or his “piercing brown eyes” — the group has also been swooning over articles he’s written on challenging traditional gender roles, and providing compassionate medical care.

He’s also been described as Victoria’s “one calm, unflappable and reassuring voice” amidst months of chaos and uncertainty.

Did the Suttonettes see we made it to the Herald Sun over the weekend??!! 😍😍😍👏👏👏. We LOVE that the Brettolution is…

Posted by Brett Sutton is HOT on Monday, August 3, 2020

Numerous times he’s taken the opportunity to lighten the often grim mood of these COVID-19 press conferences; a perfect example came last month while he was demonstrating how to wear a face mask and joked he “won’t do a Greg Hunt”, a nod to our health minister’s previous viral failure.

Even his Twitter account, which could very easily be a constant stream of case numbers, is a welcome distraction. From joking about Nickelback to making cracks about Pete Evens, he’s shown himself to be a genuinely likeable person who isn’t afraid to actually engage with people and their anxieties.

Now if you don’t mind, I’ll be sitting in front of the TV waiting for tomorrow morning’s presser.