So you’ve been on two or three dates with a person, you’ve texted back and forth pretty regularly and it seems to be going well. The only downfall? You’re actually not hugely into them.

It’s a shame, really. They seem very keen on you! And on paper, they’re the epitome of every person your mum dreamed you’d end up with. But something’s missing. The ick is there. You find yourself working just to be in their presence.

Here’s where it gets really complicated: how do you break up with someone if you’re not in a relationship with them? If you haven’t had the conversation about what you are then what are you ending? Ah, so many questions. Here are some ways you can end things without being a total dick about it.

#1 Make Sure It’s Going Somewhere

If it’s actually totally chill, you don’t want to embarrass yourself by ending something that hasn’t even begun. Make sure they’re definitely into you before you drop the “byeEE” bomb. If they are, proceed. If they’re not, skip to step five.

#2 A Text Is (Usually) Fine

We say usually because it all depends on how long its been going on for. If you’ve been hanging out for three weeks straight, you can’t hit them with an “it’s a no from me, dawg” text. But if its been two dates and they texted you saying they’re keen for a third, you can politely reply by saying, “I really enjoyed our time together but I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now…” Boom. Done.

Which brings us to the next, most important point.

#3 Make “I’m Not Ready To Be In A Relationship Right Now” Your Go-To

Let us break down exactly why this is such a genius go-to:

1) It puts all the onus on you, not them, for being the one who ruined the relationship. It’s not because they clearly don’t floss or have a terrible taste in films (tho, tru), it’s because YOU aren’t emotionally prepared.

2) It suggests you’re saving them from some kind of emotional turmoil and relationship baggage that they’d rather not get involved in. You’re so sweet for thinking of them.

3) You’re saying “right now” which means if they ever see you macking on with a rando on your Insta story, they can’t get cut. You said “right now” and right now stops whenever you decide it stops. Genius.

#4 If You Meet Up With Them, Keep It Short

If your dating stint has been pretty involved, you owe it to them to say it all face-to-face. But don’t commit to any sort of activity that requires a length of time, i.e. a movie, lunch, dinner or bowling. Suggest you meet up for a coffee and nothing more than a coffee. It takes like five minutes to drink a hot beverage (two if you don’t mind burning your oesophagus) which means it can be over and done with pretty quickly. It’s like ripping off a band-aid.

Drop the “I’m not ready to be in a relationship line”, thank them for being so awesome and say you hope you’ll still be friends with them. Say goodbye! Hug! Shake hands! (Whatever!) And then make a beeline right out of there. Phew.

#5 Stop Speaking To Them So Much

Look. Calm your outrage. We’re not telling you to ghost them. That would be cruel. Instead, we’re lightly suggesting that you perhaps, maybe should just keep telling them you can’t hang out until they put two and two together and stop asking.

This is definitely not the best option, and should only be used in emergencies. But… If you’ve only been on a few dates and it’s really not going anywhere, just fade away. We won’t tell anyone.

(Lead image: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days/Paramount)