Culture

Bonk Ban: Malcolm Turnbull Has Banned Ministers From Having Sex With Their Staff

Bonk ban's back, alright!

by Sam Langford  15 February 2018
bonk ban

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Well, Malcolm Turnbull didn’t have the guts to ask Barnaby Joyce to resign this afternoon, but has moved to officially impose a parliamentary bonk ban!

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In a press conference this afternoon, Turnbull basically said that the ministerial code of conduct needs a little bit of updating in the wake of Barnaby’s colossal errors of judgement. He’s committed to making some more serious edits in the near future, but inspired by Barnaby, he’s decided to add one key change right now: effective immediately, ministers must not fuck their staff.

“In 2018, it is not acceptable for a minister to have a sexual relationship is with somebody who works for them,” was how he actually announced that. “It is a very bad workplace practice”. Social media, meanwhile, has immediately christened the new rule the Bonk Ban, because of course it has.

Unfortunately, the Bonk Ban comes far too late for Barnaby, who about to go enjoy his taxpayer-funded week of leave to reflect on his mistakes or whatever. And as for the many other allegations against Joyce, including the pretty serious ones about misuse of taxpayer funds, Turnbull just said he’d received “unequivocal assurance” that no standards had been breached.

Except, of course, for the newly implemented Bonk Ban. What a pity that we couldn’t just punish this one particular politician for his mistakes, instead of implementing a frankly ridiculous rule that affects everyone but him.

You can watch Turnbull announce the Bonk Ban here: