Bill Shorten Took 16 Seconds To Down A Beer; Bob Hawke Would Be Deeply Unimpressed
Earlier this week, Malcolm Turnbull shocked and appalled the nation after turning down a sausage sizzle sausage. “What kind of man, what kind of true blue, fair dinkum Aussie would refuse a tasty snag?” we all asked ourselves. Somewhere, a koala fell out of a tree, stone dead.
Keen, it would seem, to capitalise on Turnbull’s blunder, Bill Shorten has spent most of his week touring rural towns affected by Cyclone Debbie, campaigning against cuts to penalty rates and doing his best to seem like a dinky die top bloke. And what’s more dinky die top blokey than sculling a beer? If there’s one thing Australian’s love even more than scarfing down sausages, it’s casually abusing our bodies with alcohol.
On Tuesday evening at the Blackwater Hotel in northern Queensland, Shorten was filmed demolishing a schooner of beer. Although I use the word ‘demolishing’ fairly loosely, since it took him more that 16 seconds to do so.
— Sam Dastyari (@samdastyari) April 9, 2017
Look, 16 seconds is by no means disgraceful, but it’s not going to inspire punters at the ballot box, either. Bob Hawke is still necking them faster than that, and he’s in his late eighties. Point is, you’re never going to get a beer named after you with a performance like that Bill. That’s all I’m saying.