A Relatable Dating Show? What A Concept

From the creators of Love On The Spectrum comes Better Date Than Never, and with it a new era of wholesome reality TV. Writer Zoe Simmons is down.

I am so unbelievably bored with most of the dating shows on TV – The Bachelors, Married At First Sight, Love Island.

That’s not to throw shade at anyone who enjoys these shows: I understand the appeal. Sometimes, it’s nice to lose yourself in some easy-to-watch TV. 

But what I do judge is the lack of authenticity. I’m tired of seeing exclusively white, skinny people with “perfect bodies” crowding our screens. I’m tired of seeing only cisgender, heterosexual people represented. And I’m really tired of the fact that disabled people are almost always absent from the landscape. 

The human experience comes in many forms, but you wouldn’t know it from watching TV. And when you only see a certain type of person “finding love”, it can make you feel like you won’t.

That’s where Better Date Than Never comes in. 

It’s Time To Be Real 

Unlike the usual fare of tanned white folks on islands, Better Date Than Never isn’t sensationalised or over-produced. And thank god for that. I mean, dating is awkward enough without having TV producers wade in to create chaos. Instead, the six-part series shows the varying experiences of five very different people entering the dating scene, exactly as they are.

It shows you the awkward moments; the nerves; the fears. What if my date doesn’t accept me? And what if it all goes wrong? And look, the dates that we witness don’t always go swimmingly; and not a single one of them ends in an explosion of fireworks and rose petals. Sometimes, the participants might get a second or third date — and sometimes, the couples decide they’re better off as friends. This, of course, is how dating tends to go in real life. 

Because unlike what we see on TV and in movies, the chances of someone sweeping you off your feet on your first date and carrying you into the sunset are pretty low. That’s just not how life generally works – and that’s fine! (Annoying, but fine.) 

Dating Is Hard, Actually

Better Date Than Never validates the simple fact that dating is hard. It can be uncomfortable, scary, disappointing and heartbreaking. But it can also be exciting, heart-warming and life-altering. And even the bad experiences can teach you important lessons, and help you figure out what you’re looking (and not looking) for. 

But while it’s primarily a show about disabled people dating and finding love, the show highlights a lot of additional experiences we often don’t hear or talk about – like the additional barriers to dating when you’re queer, or a person of colour, or both. 

As someone with multiple disabilities, it was affirming to see the uncomfortable parts of our experiences highlighted; like with 20-year-old Liv who has cerebral palsy, a condition that can impact someone’s ability to move, think and speak. In the show, Liv and her mum say that Liv doesn’t really date, due to the way people treat her. Heartbreakingly, she reveals that because she walks differently to most people; she sometimes experiences being outright laughed at. 

Unfortunately, being excluded and ridiculed is an experience that many disabled people continue to have. It leads to a lot of disabled people feeling alone, and like they aren’t worthy of love. Sadly this can mean that a lot of disabled people accept less love than they deserve. 

But Liv doesn’t settle: and when there’s no chemistry, Liv says so. They don’t force people to try to make it work: they value their input, and find someone else – which is how dating should be!  As the show says, you often have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, princess, or princex.

As someone with extreme anxiety, I felt validated by  the experiences of Nirvali – a young woman with social anxiety who is keen to break out of her shell. It’s easier said than done, though: Nirvali typically expects and prepares for the worst-case scenario. She overthinks, finds it hard to leave her house, and worries people won’t be able to handle her anxiety. And girl, same! 

What’s really rewarding, though, is getting to witness Nirvali’s growth and seeing her discover that that worst-case scenario doesn’t usually transpire. Hell, you might even end up having a good time, anxiety in tow! 

Meet Me At The Intersection

Alongside disability, the show also highlights racism in dating through the story of 27-year-old Charles, a gay man who moved from China to Sydney a few years ago. Charles shares his experiences of body-shaming, and how he’s been told that he’ll never find love in Australia. NOT TRUE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES.

We also meet Dianne, a trans woman, who struggles to be accepted as a lesbian; particularly because she transitioned later in life. And while it may be easier for trans women to exist now than it was 20 years ago, how often are we getting a look into their love lives? 

While the show tackles tough and often painful ground, we also get to see participants grow and learn – even when they don’t find love. It’s hugely powerful; especially when the world often inadvertently tells marginalised groups that they don’t deserve love.

But you do. Dates can be awkward. Life can be awkward. But that doesn’t make it any less magical.

All we can do is enjoy the ride.

Catch Better Date Than Never on Tuesdays at 8pm on the ABC. The full season is available to stream on ABC iview.  

Editor’s note: Junkee and Northern Pictures are both subsidiaries of RACAT Media.

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Zoe Simmons is an award-winning disabled journalist, copywriter, author and speaker who believes words can change the world. You can find out more about Zoe on her website, or follow her on Twitter, Instagram, or Tik Tok.