Gaze In Horror And Awe At These Truly Hideous Band Tattoos
"It's is my life" is a classic.
A few years ago, I got a tattoo of Daniel Johnston’s Hi, How Are You frog on my right wrist. When it was done, the tattoo artist asked me what I thought of it.
“I love it,” I said, and I really did.
“That’s great mate,” the artist replied. “Some of my favourite tattoos are the really ugly and dumb ones too.”
Listen. There are only two types of tattoos more risky than band tats, and those are tattoos of your lover’s name, and tattoos of small children/babies. Romantic tattoos are dangerous because there’s every chance your dearest will break your heart and leave you with two tonnes of emotional baggage and ‘Karen’ or ‘Derek’ written in some shitty scrawl across your chest. Tattoos of children are dangerous because no artist has ever been able to render anyone under the age of six without making them look like a goblin.
Band tattoos are a different kind of risky. Of course, there’s always the significant chance that the band in question will do something heinous, and you will be left with indelible markings indicating your allegiance to noted right-wing dipshit Morrissey, or actual criminal Ian Watkins of Lostprophets.
But it doesn’t even take something so dramatic to ruin your photorealistic Blood Sugar Sex Magik back tattoo. Sometimes, bands can just start apolitically sucking — as everybody out there with the winged Weezer ‘W’ daubed across their hip can attest — or your tastes can ever-so-slightly shift.
Chances are, the group that meant the world to you when you were of early tattooable age won’t be quite as important ten years later, when you have to explain to your children that the lead singer of the act you have emblazoned on your upper right arm used to front a band called ‘Rapeman.’
Even less explicable is how often band tattoos just turn out bad, for no rhyme nor reason. It’s like Tupac lyrics or Dave Grohl portraits are kyrptonite to artists, attacks on their nervous system that cause them to go into full on creative toxic shock.
To that end, please spend the next few minutes feasting your eyes on these, some of the worst band tattoos of all time.
This Affront To Queen Fans Everywhere
my therapist: Bad Freddie Mercury tattoo isn't real, it can't hurt you
Bad Freddie Mercury tattoo: pic.twitter.com/kuRFGEZYGW
— abby// moved (@fIatnoise) April 27, 2019
This is the biggest smear to Queen’s legacy since Adam Lambert joined the band.
This Horned Horrorshow
— Kayla Knox (@mlleknox) May 28, 2017
Turns out the overlap between ’90s rap fans and people who find the unicorn aesthetic endearing is bigger than one might have been led to think.
This Melted Face Frank Iero
how would Frank feel about this pic.twitter.com/4qpkj4d9Dm
— bad band tattoos (@uglybandtattoos) January 3, 2015
This tattoo is the reason why MCR refuse to reform.
This Poor, Innocent Tupac
View this post on Instagram
Seriously, what is it about Tupac tattoos?
This Assemblage Of Horrors
good bands, bad tattoos pic.twitter.com/wRnQ0GKvpy
— 🌹 (@shoegazecommi3) April 7, 2015
Getting a Fleetwood Mac lyric tattooed on your ass is bad even if the lyric doesn’t get horrendously mispelled, for the record.
This Very Badly Timed Lostprophets Tattoo
— Shelby Bishop (@Acey_Alighieri) July 31, 2012
This tattoo became A Problem just under five months after she first got it.
This Conversation Starter
STILL thinkin about the girl w the Drake forehead tattoo. How is she? Did she like Drakes latest release? What's up?! pic.twitter.com/TjHfEPvIIV
— ANA GNUČČI RAB (@ANA_GNUCCI_RAB) June 21, 2015
Drake Forehead Girl 2020, tbh.
This Probably Fake Michael Jackson Tribute
Need cheering up in the rain? Could be worse, here's a random terrible Michael Jackson tattoo that some poor bugger's got on their arm. pic.twitter.com/mmb8vehxLX
— The Loft Wimbledon (@TheLoftSW19) May 17, 2017
That quote down the bottom is the thing that tips this right into the annals of illegitimacy.
This Tribute To Adam Duritz Of Counting Crows And Sobriety
When you're straight edge but also really love the counting crows pic.twitter.com/T6htkUJgOw
— pickle chin ah boi (@_dreamwlkrr) June 24, 2016
Two crows, one stone.
This Poor, Betrayed Miley Cyrus Tribute
— FOX 5 DC (@fox5dc) June 24, 2015
Miley, you did not have to drag my man like that.
This Internet Legend
— ❤️ Jayme Really (@JaymeMcKenna) March 8, 2017
The bad Jon Bovi tattoo is older than at least 20 percent of you reading this article.
This Yawping Horror
This Thom Yorke tattoo is something else (no, it's not the nipple one) pic.twitter.com/Lt8BzD49D7
— Lucy Jones (@lucyjones) August 13, 2013
Karma police, come collect this man in particular, please.
This Legendarily Inventive Piece of Shit
— Gregor Rossino (@GregorRossino) October 12, 2014
I mean, you have to hand something to them, if not ‘it’.
This All Time Low Tribute
in case we forgot pic.twitter.com/lOt7i02uhn
— lou 💖 (@otraharry4ever) March 20, 2017
This Ronald Reagan/Elvis Mash-Up
Bad Elvis tattoo pic.twitter.com/u5s9UGHB
— Ian Walker (@fenlandgent) June 18, 2012
Do not look him directly in the eyes.
This Your Dad/Elvis Mash-Up
You know what you need? A picture of a really bad full back Elvis tattoo. pic.twitter.com/IZdiza2F17
— James Stafford (@jamesostafford) February 24, 2015
This hound dog is on his last legs.
These Three Seers
These really bad Elvis tattoos, are umm, really bad… pic.twitter.com/Rmm1CobU9J
— The Thirst Lady (@ginblossom) June 4, 2015
Meet them at a crossroads at moonlight and they will tell you exactly how you die.
And This, The Most Egregious Band Tatt Of Them All
If Dave Grohl’s tattoos were a person, they would be Dave Grohl pic.twitter.com/ZuSnJBYDw6
— Dimmu Borges (@SlayerRules_420) November 10, 2018