Culture

Just A Bunch Of Absolutely Batshit Things That Happened In Politics This Year

Boy, 2018 sure was a hell of a decade.

Politics, Scott Morrison, Malcolm Turnbull, Men, Barnaby Joyce, Peter Dutton

Boy, 2018 sure was a hell of a decade. We end the year in politics in much the same as we began it — with a hypocritical Nationals MP embroiled in a sex scandal of his own making. Think of Australian politics in 2018 as a gross sandwich you left in the bottom of your school bag, and sweaty Nationals MPs as the two slices of mouldy bread that are holding it all together.

But hey, there are some other really gross, now-unidentifiable lunch meats in the middle of that sandwich too, and we shouldn’t forget about them! So let’s dive into the rancid swamp that was Australian politics in 2018.

[Editor’s note: This is by no means an exhaustive list. This is literally just the ones we could remember.]

Barnaby, Oh Barnaby

Can you believe the Barnaby Joyce scandal was THIS YEAR.

In February, The Daily Telegraph reported that Barnaby Joyce’s marriage of 24 years was over, and he was expecting a baby with his former staffer, Vikki Campion. That kicked off literally months of smaller satellite scandals for Joyce and the people around him:

Time For Australia’s Annual Leadership Spill

Remember those few days earlier this year when we all thought Peter Dutton was going to be Prime Minister? Haha wasn’t that terrifying! Luckily, Dutts and his band of hard-right warriors were too incompetent to actually pull a leadership spill off.

It all started in August as Malcolm Turnbull was trying to get a climate change policy past the Liberal partyroom. Despite Turnbull bending over backwards to please people like Dutton, Tony Abbott and Eric Abetz, they were never going to let it happen.

Sensing that Dutton was about to make a move, Turnbull blew up his own leadership by calling a surprise spill. He won, but only just, and that set off five days of absolutely bananas action in Canberra. For the rest of the week, everyone in Canberra was speculating that Peter Dutton was slowly gaining the numbers needed to roll Turnbull.

Fortunately, Dutton and his numbers man, Matthias Cormann, can’t actually count. Another spill was called, Turnbull knew he was cooked and stood aside, and Scott Morrison was able to come charging up the middle, securing the 45 votes needed to win. Dutton thought he had the numbers right up until… he didn’t.

We all breathed a sigh of relief that Peter Dutton was no longer going to be PM, until we remembered that Scott Morrison is also quite shit. Speaking of which…

Meet Scott Morrison, Somehow Worse Than The Other Guy

So Scott Morrison took over as PM, and immediately set about fucking things up. Let us list just some of the ways:

And of course:

And The Rest Of The Nonsense

And then there’s *waves hands* all of this.

Here’s a bunch of dumb shit (and some ok shit) that happened this year that defies categorisation.

And then we ended the year just as we started it: With a male Nationals MP involved in a weird sex scandal.

See you next year!


Rob Stott is Junkee Media’s Managing Editor. He spends far too much time reading about politics. Follow him on Twitter