Angelina Jolie Is Shooting A Movie In Queensland, And She Wants You To Be An Extra
Well, as long as you're "very skinny" and "up for a haircut".
Are you an Australian man with nothing much going on in October? Are you ‘very skinny’, and possibly willing to undergo a haircut? If so, then your dreams of being in Angelina Jolie’s new movie are about to come true.
The actress recently arrived in Australia, with her adorable brood in tow, to commence work on her second feature film as director, the World War II drama, Unbroken. Production for the film will soon begin on the Gold Coast, and this morning, a casting call went out for extras in a prisoner of war camp.
Jolie is looking for “very skinny” Caucasian males between the ages of 17 and 50. Successful applicants need to be up for a haircut, and will preferably have “no tattoos”. Do you have what it takes?
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Let’s break this down.
According to figures from Monash University, 14 million Australians are either overweight or obese.
Of the approximately eight million people remaining (sorry, fatties, you don’t get to hang out with the Jolie-Pitt kids), four million are males.
Of those four million males, at least a million have their surnames and/or Ned Kelly quotes tattooed in 40pt Gothic font across their chests.
A million more hit the gym on a regular basis, meaning they fall into the ‘buff as fuck’ rather than ‘very skinny’ category, so they’re out.
Teens, tweens, babies and over-50s are ineligible, by virtue of age.
By my count, this leaves just one dude in all of Australia: my friend’s roommate’s boyfriend, Dan. Unfortunately, I think Dan might be overseas building houses for orphans in Africa right now, however, so he’s out.
Sorry Angelina Jolie, you’re shit out of luck. Hope the movie goes well, though.