Sorry To Disappoint, But Andrew Bolt Is Not Really Leaving Melbourne

The Sky News after-dark host dramatically announced he's leaving Melbourne "without a single tear" to...a place about an hour's drive from Melbourne's CBD.

This morning Andrew Bolt — prominent conservative commentator, Sky News after-dark host, News Corp columnist — announced he’s packing up his $2.8 million white picket Melbourne home “without a single tear” as is headed for the “bush”.

Many Melbournians took to celebrating his leave which was, in true Andrew Bolt fashion, accompanied with a little racist rant about how the immigrants have taken over the city.

“And with so many newcomers crowding the city, you couldn’t talk anymore about a ‘we’ — people sharing the stories that turn individuals into a community,” he wrote in his column.

“Stories? We barely share a language, now that immigrants no longer feel the pressure to integrate, as did my parents’ generation.”

Sigh. Imagine being such a snowflake you leave the city you live in because immigrants won’t live life the way YOU want them to. It’s all so unfair, isn’t it? :(

Unfortunately for the Melbournians celebrating, Bolt is moving to Mornington Peninsula, an area in southeastern Metropolitan Melbourne. From the CBD, you can drive to Mornington in just about an hour. Two hours via public transport. To put that into perspective, my sister in Sydney literally travels 1.5 hours one way on public transport just to get to her uni, in Sydney.

Though, the fact that the area is in fact considered part of Metropolitan Melbourne shocked some of its own residents when they were put under the same lockdown laws as the city earlier this year.

Maybe it will shock the Sky News host too, once he realises, since he’s been very vocally against the Victorian lockdown, which as we know has been a big success.

Sadly, this doesn’t mean we’ve seen the last of him, as Sky News is going to build him his very own personal studio in his new hometown. Man must rake in a lot of that sweet sweet outrage money for News Corp.